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TPO 13 2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement The extended family grandparents cousins aunts and uncles is less important now than it was in the past v.1

TPO 13 2 The extended family grandparents cousins aunts and uncles is less important now than it was in the past v. 1
Language is the best means of communication. In the modern globalization era, it is not enough to be able to speak single slang to communicate with the outside world. I strongly support the idea that infants should begin enrolling a foreign accent as soon as they start education. They faster become familiar with a strange speech, improve their hearing ability to understand new words as time goes by and learn new words. In the following paragraphs, I will list some reasons to support my position. First of all, if one wants to see an outcome soon, one must start sooner. So, the earlier children begin to learn a new sound the better will be the result. Scientists say that a child does not confuse two different languages, but learns them most effectively. For example, In India, every province has its own official language with diverse cultures. But most of the people prefer to speak in Hindi and English languages. However, it is vital that adolescents should learn these two languages with their mother tongue. Second of all, Adults are often afraid to make mistakes when they are speaking in a new language. This fear is one of the biggest barriers for a person in his efforts to speak freely. Otherwise, kids do not afraid of making grammatical mistakes because they just repeat words and sentences in the way they hear them. They faster get used to the right pronunciation and better feel the melody of terminology. To sum up, I think that it is very essential for children to begin learning a foreign language in their early ages. It brings many benefits such as great pronunciation. Also, it helps a child develop social skills and gain more knowledge which is good for the long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
is the best means of communication. In the modern globalization era, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be able to speak single slang to communicate with the outside world. I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that infants should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
enrolling a foreign accent as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
education. They faster become familiar with a strange speech,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their hearing ability to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
words as time goes by and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
words. In the following paragraphs, I will list
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to support my position.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an outcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
sooner.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the earlier children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
sound the better will be the result. Scientists say that a child does not confuse two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
them most
effectively
.
For example
, In India, every province has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
with diverse cultures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to speak in Hindi and English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
However
, it is vital that adolescents should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
with their mother tongue.

Second of all, Adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
afraid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes when they are speaking in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. This fear is one of the biggest barriers for a person in his efforts to speak
freely
.
Otherwise
, kids do not afraid of making grammatical mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
repeat words and sentences in the way they hear them. They faster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the right pronunciation and better feel the melody of terminology.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
learning a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in their early ages. It brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits such as great pronunciation.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child develop social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and gain more knowledge which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 13 2 The extended family grandparents cousins aunts and uncles is less important now than it was in the past v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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