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"Prevention is better than cure. " Our of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.12

"Prevention is better than cure. " Our of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures. with this statement? v. 12
The amount of money the government invested in the state's health, among that more than 50% of the budget should be transferred to the fitness education and prevention centres, rather than using huge money on treating the patients. This essay agrees with the statement given above in sequence to save money and also human lives. First of all, the usage of money will be less at the starting stage of the disease instead of spending it on the last stage of the fever. Because money is the important thing on the earth, everyone needs money to survive. Some people can afford more on treatment, and some won't. So we should take care of our health from beginning. For example, one of my friend's is suffering from kidney problem i. e some stones have developed in his stomach. As he was more aware of the prevention, he himself took care of his health with necessary medications. Thus he solved the issue at an initial stage. He also saved money rather than leaving his health condition to a high level. On the other hand, every living thing is very important on the earth and we should look after it every time. By putting more in aid-caring institute's is more worth than spending high on treatments. So that public can become more aware of their health, and they start caring about them. In the instance, the USA government in 2003 made a sentence that more money must be sent to health and prevention education courses. From that public in the USA became aware of their life and illness rate was successfully decreased. In conclusion, rather than using higher income on treating the disease the public association should transfer more rupees to the prevention and wellness education centres. In order to save the previous lives and also the wealthiest.
The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invested in the state's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, among that more than 50% of the budget should
be transferred
to the fitness education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
rather
than using huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on treating the patients. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above in sequence to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
also
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will be less at the starting stage of the disease
instead
of spending it on the last stage of the fever.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing on the earth, everyone needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to survive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can afford more on treatment, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
won't.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should take care of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
from beginning.
For example
, one of my friend's is suffering from kidney problem i. e
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stones have developed in his stomach. As he was more aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
, he himself took care of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
with necessary medications.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
he solved the issue at an initial stage. He
also
saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rather
than leaving his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition to a high level.

On the other hand
, every living thing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
earth and
we should look after it every time. By putting more in aid-caring institute's is more worth than spending high on treatments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that public can become more aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
caring about them. In the instance, the USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in 2003 made a sentence that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
education courses. From that public in the USA became aware of their life and illness rate was
successfully
decreased.

In conclusion
,
rather
than using higher income on treating the disease the public association should transfer more rupees to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
and wellness education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. In order to save the previous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
also
the wealthiest.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay "Prevention is better than cure. " Our of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures. with this statement? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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