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Pollution of rivers lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment What are the possible causes of water pollution and what effects does this have on animal life and human society v.1

Pollution of rivers lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment What are the possible causes of water pollution and what effects does this have on animal life and human society v. 1
Human's are living a longer life in many countries and most of its credit goes to the advancement in technology and awareness among people to stay healthy. Living longer, has more drawbacks than advantages, such as keeping supplies for a growing population and maintaining per capita income. First and foremost, longer life is proportional to increased world population and increasing population has a demand of food to cope up with. While we are aware, food is limited and most of the producing nations have hardly met their inland population. Also, most of the countries, especially in Asia and Africa are suffering from malnutritions, it is because, they are dependent on imports for food as they lack agricultural land. To illustrate this, people in the African continent are living longer than usual, but aren't healthy as they lack proper food and diet. As a result, they are either bedridden or unable to work for most of their old age. Another negative aspect of living longer is lack of funds to support the living. Most of the people retire by theirs 60's and are dependent on pension funds, which isn't sufficient for most of the population as it doesn't support the lifestyle they are used to. For example, as per the research by the University of Waterloo, increased life span has created more pensioners with respect to working people in Canada. As a consequence, working people are burdened with high tax slabs in order to pay pensions to the retiree's. Also, the government is deducting more taxes from pensioner's to run pension commission. In conclusion, increased life span is not something people should be worried about, it's the drawback like poverty, hunger and lower household income they should consider. Therefore, in my opinion, negatives of living longer are way more than positives.
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
Human's
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and most of its credit goes to the advancement in technology and awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
, has more drawbacks than advantages, such as keeping supplies for a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and maintaining per capita income.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is proportional to increased world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has a demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to cope up with. While we are aware,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is limited
and most of the producing nations have hardly met their inland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Also
, most of the countries,
especially
in Asia and Africa are suffering from
Possible spelling mistake found.
malnutritions
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they are dependent on imports for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as they lack agricultural land. To illustrate this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the African continent are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than usual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
aren't healthy as they lack proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and diet.
As a result
, they are either bedridden or unable to work for most of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
is lack of funds to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
retire by theirs
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "60s".
60's
and are dependent on pension funds, which isn't sufficient for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
as it doesn't support the lifestyle they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
For example
, as per the research by the University of Waterloo, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span has created more pensioners with respect to working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Canada. As a consequence, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are burdened
with high tax slabs in order to pay pensions to the retiree's.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is deducting more taxes from pensioner's to run pension commission.

In conclusion
, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span is not something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be worried
about, it's the drawback like poverty, hunger and lower household income they should consider.
Therefore
, in my opinion, negatives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
are way more than positives.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Pollution of rivers lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment What are the possible causes of water pollution and what effects does this have on animal life and human society v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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