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Should Hong Kong adopt the opt-out system for organ donation? Write a letter to the editor addressing this issue. v.1

Should Hong Kong adopt the opt-out system for organ donation? Write a letter to the editor addressing this issue. v. 1
I am writing to address the importance of adopting the opt-out system in Hong Kong. Reading the news of the 24-year-old woman who passed away after the successful lung transplant, I believe it is necessary for those patients who are awaiting the organ donors. Disputed by many people, the scheme is always rejected by the unwise traditional thought of keeping the whole corpse. The older generation may have blind faith in the ancient belief of pleasing the soul by keeping the corpse and lead to the low donation rate. What makes it worse is the measly awareness of donating organs from the younger generation. According to the Hospital Authority, only 4. 3% of the enormous 7. 5 million population has registered as an organ donor. It is ashamed of a big city but has a handful of people willing to contribute their organs after deaths. By adopting the presumed-consent scheme, the awaiting patients can transplant the damaged organs as fast as possible and it saves thousands of lives. Also, it can raise the attention of youngsters on related news and topics. Notwithstanding the launching, the government should learn from those countries which have adopted the system and try to give more details about the system. Back to the basic, the government needs to educate and promote the ideas of organ donation. The simplest way is they can spread the messages from holding different activities or street counters by collaborating with the district councillors, who are the easiest to approach with different ages. To conclude, it is important to adopt the opt-out system due to the low donation rate. However, the government should not launch it by heavy-handed tactics before the citizens understanding the aims of organ donation.
I am writing to address the importance of adopting the opt-out system in Hong Kong. Reading the news of the 24-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
woman who passed away after the successful lung transplant, I believe it is necessary for those patients who are awaiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organ
donors.

Disputed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the scheme is always rejected by the unwise traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of keeping the whole corpse. The older generation may have blind faith in the ancient belief of pleasing the soul by keeping the corpse and lead to the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
rate. What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it worse is the measly awareness of donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organs
from the younger generation. According to the Hospital Authority,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4. 3% of the enormous 7. 5 million population has registered as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organ
donor. It
is ashamed
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has a handful of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
willing to contribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organs
after deaths.

By adopting the presumed-consent scheme, the awaiting patients can transplant the damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organs
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as possible and it saves thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Also
, it can raise the attention of youngsters on related news and topics. Notwithstanding the launching, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should learn from those countries which have adopted the system and try to give more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the system.

Back to the basic, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to educate and promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
. The simplest way is they can spread the messages from holding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities or street counters by collaborating with the district councillors, who are the easiest to approach with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to adopt the opt-out system due to the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
rate.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not launch it by heavy-handed tactics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the citizens understanding the aims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Should Hong Kong adopt the opt-out system for organ donation? Write a letter to the editor addressing this issue. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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