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Pollution and other environmental problems are resulting from the way that many countries are developing and becoming richer. Some think this cannot be avoided. v.1

Pollution and other environmental problems are resulting from the way that many countries are developing and becoming richer. Some think this cannot be avoided. v. 1
How can the marine life be protected from various kinds of pollutants? This is the question encountered by the most of the countries on the planet earth. Mainly water bodies harbour the lives millions of flora and fauna; therefore; it is extremely important take proper strategies to tackle this issue effectively. There are many reasons why we, human, require to safeguard water bodies from pollution. Firstly, if any changes in the equilibrium of the ecosystem, this definitely results in imbalance of the environment. In other words, due to the severe contamination of the aquatic system, eventually, human are affected as we depend this for foods and fuel. Similarly, many countries which heavily rely on marine resources as a national income; Sreelanka, Thailand, Japan, would suffer when this source perish due to human’s unethical act towards the nature. However, this can be effectively tackled by the international joint efforts because this problem has affected the entire world rather than a single country. First of all, make new laws and punishments to those who contaminate the oceanic world and strictly implement the laws irrespective whether the nation developed or underdeveloped. Secondly, every governments in the world require to start marine conservation programs, and educate their citizens the importance of these initiatives. Finally, companies which do not follow the safety instructions and water treatment methods to decontaminate the waste materials before which dispose to the oceans. By way of conclusion, since the aquatic world has been severely contaminated, this has a huge repercussion on the ecosystem. This can be resolved by the better tactics and strategies. It is predicted that the damage of oceanic world not only affect the marine life, but also the entire planet earth.
How can the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
life
be protected
from various kinds of pollutants? This is the question encountered by the most of the countries on the planet earth.
Mainly
water bodies
Possible spelling mistake. 'harbour' is British English.
harbour
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
millions of flora and fauna;
therefore
; it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
take proper strategies to tackle this issue
effectively
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why we, human, require
Did you mean "safeguarding"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to safeguard
water bodies from pollution.
Firstly
, if any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the equilibrium of the ecosystem, this definitely results in imbalance of the environment.
In other words
, due to the severe contamination of the aquatic system,
eventually
, human are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as we
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
this for foods and fuel.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries which
heavily
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
resources as a national income;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sreelanka
, Thailand, Japan, would suffer when
The verb 'perish' is plural. Did you mean: "this source perishes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this source perish
due to human’s unethical act towards the nature.

However
, this can be
effectively
tackled by the international joint efforts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this problem has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
rather
than a single country.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new laws and punishments to those who contaminate the oceanic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
strictly
implement the laws irrespective whether the nation developed or underdeveloped.
Secondly
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "government"?
governments
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
conservation programs, and educate their citizens the importance of these initiatives.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which do not follow the safety instructions and water treatment methods to decontaminate the waste materials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
which dispose to the oceans.

By way of conclusion, since the aquatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has been
severely
contaminated, this has a huge repercussion on the ecosystem. This can
be resolved
by the better tactics and strategies. It
is predicted
that the
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
oceanic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the entire planet earth.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Pollution and other environmental problems are resulting from the way that many countries are developing and becoming richer. Some think this cannot be avoided. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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