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Do you agree or disagree with this statement: The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v.1

: The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 1
Providing wholesome and healthy nutrition to our body is an ideal method to get and stay fit. I completely agree with this idea as it has innumerable benefits. The main reasons are, its physical and positive impacts on a person. To begin with, healthy diet, which is rich in fibre and protein is a great way to be fit. This in turn improves the life expectancy in people. This essentially means that they can enjoy a longer and healthier life. Also, a healthy body leads to a healthy mind, which boosts the overall quality of life for a person. Today, an increasing number of people are opting for nutritious food and lifestyle changes to stay healthy. In addition, metabolic disorders like obesity and diabetes are at raise because of ignorance surrounding food. Many people around the world incur hospital bills of a significant amount throughout their life to treat these diseases which is a huge burden and affects the mental health of individuals. But, these irregularities in people can be easily fixed with the help of dietary changes which, otherwise would cost a fortune in terms of medical bills. A recent study in The United States shows that obesity rates, which are at an alarming rise can be considerably reduced with balanced nutrition. On the other hand, there are other ways to stay healthy such as exercising. But they only play a minor role in the overall fitness of an individual because of the difficulty associated with it. No amount of exercise can completely compensate for flawed food habits. In conclusion, the ideal path to follow for a healthy body is undeniably through a balanced diet. The benefits of following the ideal dietary pattern are several and are limitless as stated above.
Providing wholesome and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nutrition to our body is an ideal method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and stay fit. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as it has innumerable benefits. The main reasons are, its physical and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on a person.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, which is rich in
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
and protein is a great way to
be fit
. This in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
essentially
means that they can enjoy a longer and healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body leads to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind, which boosts the
overall
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for a person.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opting for nutritious food and lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to stay healthy.

In addition
, metabolic disorders like obesity and diabetes are at raise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of ignorance surrounding food.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world incur hospital bills of a significant amount throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to treat these diseases which is a huge burden and affects the mental health of individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these irregularities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of dietary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which,
otherwise
would cost a fortune in terms of medical bills. A recent study in The United States
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that obesity rates, which are at an alarming rise can be
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
with balanced nutrition.

On the other hand
, there are other ways to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
such as exercising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play a minor role in the
overall
fitness of an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the difficulty associated with it. No amount of exercise can completely compensate for flawed food habits.

In conclusion
, the ideal path to follow for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body is
undeniably
through a balanced diet. The benefits of following the ideal dietary pattern are several and are limitless as stated above.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay : The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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