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Politicians private lives should not be published in newspapers, To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Politicians private lives should not be published in newspapers, v. 1
Presently, the number of species under extinction threat is increasing. So, to maintain biodiversity, one must understand the role of each and every species on Earth. To point that in every ecosystem there are 'keystone' species that sustains a whole bunch of other animals and plants. Destroying one such types unleashes a trail of destruction that is irreversible. The real power of human beings is that we can destroy everything easily for self-interest and greed. As a result, extinction is a great threat to many species. Fortunately, it is not late to maintain biodiversity. To begin with, reducing the water pollution can create a great relieve on water species. According to the biologists, four fifths of all existing creatures are living in the water. Water Pollution is reducing creatures and the population of them day by day. Chemical and biological wastages are kept polluting fresh aqua reserves and seas. For example, every year a million gallon of polluted water was discharged into the rivers and sea in Istanbul. Because, there were no sewer treatment facilities in Istanbul, the sea became polluted and there was nearly no underwater life. After building sewer treatment facilities, water reserves and sea have become clearer. As well as, maintaining biodiversity is forestation. Most of the land creatures are need forests for a living. Forestation can create new living areas for many animals, especially for cubs. Specifically, it is the city of Abu Dhabi. İn the seventies, Emirate of Abu Dhabi decided to create a forest in the desert. After a well-organised forestation plan, they managed to create a forest and it is an attraction point for people who want to see the forest habitat. There are many kinds of creatures from mammals to endemic insects. To sum up, everything on this planet is connected and the real losers of biological diversity destruction are human beings and not anything else. However, doing small but effective changes we can save plenty of species.
Presently
, the number of species under extinction threat is increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to maintain biodiversity, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand the role of each and every species on Earth. To point that in every ecosystem there are 'keystone' species that sustains a
Consider using "bunch".
whole bunch
of other animals and plants. Destroying one such types unleashes a trail of destruction
that is
irreversible. The real power of human beings is that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
everything
easily
for self-interest and greed.

As a result
, extinction is a great threat to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species.
Fortunately
, it is not late to maintain biodiversity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
pollution can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a great relieve on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
species. According to the biologists, four fifths of all existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
Pollution is reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
and the population of them day by day.

Chemical and biological
Possible spelling mistake found.
wastages
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
polluting fresh aqua reserves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seas
.
For example
, every year a million gallon of polluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was discharged
into the rivers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
in Istanbul.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, there were no sewer treatment facilities in Istanbul, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
became polluted and there was
nearly
no underwater life. After building sewer treatment facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
reserves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
have become clearer.

As well
as, maintaining biodiversity is forestation. Most of the land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
for a living. Forestation can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
new living areas for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
animals,
especially
for cubs.
Specifically
, it is the city of Abu Dhabi.
Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
the seventies, Emirate of Abu Dhabi decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
in the desert. After a
Possible spelling mistake. 'well-organised' is British English.
well-organised
forestation plan, they managed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
and it is an attraction point for p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
who want to s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ee
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
habitat. There are m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
from mammals to endemic insects.

To sum up, everything on this planet
is connected
and the real losers of biological diversity destruction are human beings and not anything else. H
owever,
doing s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
mall
b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
effective c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hanges
we can save p
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
lenty
of species.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Politicians private lives should not be published in newspapers, v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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