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Politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. v. 6
It is often argued that the personal lives of political members should not be made public especially newspapers. In my opinion, I strongly agree that news stories should not have the private space of the politicians as this would have adverse effects on their followers. To start with, just like other people, political members might also have had a life filled with dark experiences which eventually pushed them into politics. More specifically, these politicians entered into this field not because of their own wish, but for the welfare of their family or local community. Hence, the private lives of them would not be amusing for others to know about. For instance, one of the famous politicians in the USA, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, has lived an ordinary life before taking a step in politics. People are curious to know about her political life, but not a personal one. The private life of some of the politicians could be worse. Publishing them in the form of articles on newspapers would lead to negative impact not only on their popularity, but also on their followers. Admittedly, there are instances when people committed crimes upon their confrontation, it turned out the motivation behind them was due to the negative influence of the politicians' lives they had once read from the newspapers. Hence, it is not advisable to know the personal life of such personalities. To conclude, keeping away the private lives of the politicians is deemed appropriate since there is a possibility to get a negative influence on their lives.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of political members should not
be made
public
especially
newspapers. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that news stories should not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
space of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
as this would have adverse effects on their followers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, political members might
also
have had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
filled with dark experiences which
eventually
pushed them into politics. More
specifically
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
entered into this field not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wish,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the welfare of their family or local community.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of them would not be amusing for others to know about.
For instance
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
in the USA, Alexandria
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ocasio
Cortez, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
an ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking a step in politics.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are curious to know about her political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not a personal one.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
could be worse. Publishing them in the form of articles on newspapers would lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on their popularity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on their followers.
Admittedly
, there are instances when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
committed crimes upon their confrontation, it turned out the motivation behind them was due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence of the politicians'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
they had once read from the newspapers.
Hence
, it is not advisable to know the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of such personalities.

To conclude
, keeping away the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
is deemed
appropriate since there is a possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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