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Politicians are more responsible for protection of the environment than individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Politicians are more responsible for protection of the environment than individuals. v. 1
Nowadays, it is becoming a trend to make a cut off a year between high schools and colleges. It is believed by many it is crucial to take an abroad trip or some working experience before getting enrolled into higher studies. It is observed by many people that half of them are not going back to colleges after a month’s gap. Maintaining a year difference is having tremendous advantages, firstly, students needs to take a break to make the self ready for the higher studies. Having back to back the same routine could create boredom which will affect the pupil’s capacity and memory to learn. Secondly, youngsters can travel to abroad to relish their mind and body to make themselves ready for the university challenges. Moreover, exploring new places will add valuable information and experience in the child’s life. Thirdly, to get the reality check of the market and the requirement of the market to serve efficiently, it is mandatory to work either as an intern or assistant to make the radiant future. On the opposite side, many drawbacks have seen for having a month’s gap in the studies. For instance, numerous children are not going back to colleges owing to losing interest in books. They found to stay at home or in travelling. Moreover, many teenagers get involved easily in illegal activities because of having enough leisure time, though immature mind gets involved soon in the criminal moves. Furthermore, some of the students got good paid work; consequently, they decide to discontinue their further studies for the greed of short term money, which ruin their bright future as it is quite hard for the parents to convince their babies for their studies. In conclusion, there are various benefits and limitation of having a gap in between schools and university. As proper schedule should be allotted to students to take the full advantage of a gap year, if children will not be enthuse with their timetable, then it would be great to send them back to college directly without a gap.
Nowadays, it is becoming a trend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off a year between high schools and colleges. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
it is crucial to take an abroad trip or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
working experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting enrolled into higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. It
is observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that half of them are not going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to colleges after a month’s gap.

Maintaining a year difference is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
tremendous advantages,
firstly
, students needs to take a break to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the self ready for the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
the same routine could create boredom which will affect the pupil’s capacity and memory to learn.
Secondly
, youngsters can travel
Did you mean "too abroad to"?
to abroad to
relish their mind and body to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
themselves ready for the university challenges.
Moreover
, exploring new places will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
valuable information and experience in the child’s life.
Thirdly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
of the market and the requirement of the market to serve
efficiently
, it is mandatory to work either as an intern or assistant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the radiant future.

On the opposite side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a month’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For instance
, numerous children are not going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to colleges owing to losing interest in books. They found to stay at home or in travelling.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved
easily
in illegal activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
leisure time, though immature mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
involved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
in the criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
.
Furthermore
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
paid work;
consequently
, they decide to discontinue their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
for the greed of short term money, which ruin their bright future as it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the parents to convince their babies for their studies.

In conclusion
, there are various benefits and limitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
in between schools and university. As proper schedule should
be allotted
to students to take the full advantage of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
year, if children will not be
Consider using a past participle here: "enthused".
enthuse
with their timetable, then it would be great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
to college
directly
without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Politicians are more responsible for protection of the environment than individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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