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many countries spend too much money on training of a few individuals for international sports competition. Some people believe that government should spend more in ordinary people instead. Do you agree r disagree. give your opinion and example v.1

many countries spend too much money on training of a few individuals for international sports competition. Some people believe that government should spend more in ordinary people instead. Do you agree r disagree. give your opinion and example v. 1
These years, it is preferable for city dwellers lead a solitary life or have a two-generation family than to live in an extended family. This trend has sparked heated debates about its benefits and drawbacks. However, I firmly believe that it has a positive impact on many aspects of people’s life. First of all, it is indisputable that living in a nuclear family can reduce the chances of conflicts between different generations, which is likely to occur in large families. Because of changes in attitudes towards family life, the elderly could hardly share the views of the following generations. For instance, in some eastern countries, it is thought that men are a bread-winner in a family while the duties of women are rearing children and doing household chores. Consequently, in an extended family, some old people may prevent wives from working and enjoying their lives. Furthermore, due to dissimilar personalities and preferences, the relatives in one house could possibly oppose each other, which may trigger mutual hatred. Secondly, having a solitary life has undeniably been the optimal choice for people in recent years. The first reason is that this lifestyle enables them to live with freedom as their decisions would barely influence others and vice versa. As an illustration, young people living on their own can attend parties or watch films until midnight without any complaints. Additionally, people tend to live alone to enjoy their lives and explore the world rather than be harassed by tedious housework. During the holidays, those can freely hang out with friends and experience new things without worries about their husbands or children. In conclusion, this trend is generally a positive one since it offers more individual space and prevents conflicts in families. I believe that this phenomenon will become more prevalent in the future.
These years, it is preferable for city dwellers lead a solitary life or have a two-generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This trend has sparked heated debates about its benefits and drawbacks.
However
, I
firmly
believe that it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is indisputable that living in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances of conflicts between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations, which is likely to occur in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in attitudes towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life, the elderly could hardly share the views of the following generations.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
eastern countries, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are a bread-winner in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
while the duties of women are rearing children and doing household chores.
Consequently
, in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
wives from working and enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Furthermore
, due to dissimilar personalities and preferences, the relatives in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
could
possibly
oppose each other, which may trigger mutual hatred.

Secondly
, having a solitary life has
undeniably
been the optimal choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in recent years. The
first
reason is that this lifestyle enables them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with freedom as their decisions would
barely
influence others and vice versa. As an illustration, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can attend parties or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films until midnight without any complaints.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and explore the world
rather
than
be harassed
by tedious housework. During the holidays,
Did you mean "this can" or "those cans"?
those can
freely
hang out with friends and experience new things without worries about their husbands or children.

In conclusion
, this trend is
generally
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
one since it offers more individual space and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
conflicts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. I believe that this phenomenon will become more prevalent in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay many countries spend too much money on training of a few individuals for international sports competition. Some people believe that government should spend more in ordinary people instead. Do you agree r disagree. give your opinion and example v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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