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Some people think that organizations would benefit more from young managers than from older ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that organizations would benefit more from young managers than from older ones. v. 1
In this generation, there is a view that famous people are popular for their fame and money rather than their accomplishments. Does this lead to a bad reference to the youth? This essay partially agrees to the above statement. The following paragraphs will delve effectively into both components. To begin with, the media always highlight, movie stars for the expensive things they purchase. These celebrities are in the news for every small or big thing done by them, as they impact society at large. For example, if an actor promotes an expensive brand of car, the youth would get attracted to buy such expensive cars irrelevant of their economic condition. Second, teenage groups easily get influenced watching actors and try to imitate their lifestyle. As a result, they tend to focus less on their career and more on what their favourite actors wear. To quote an instance, Salman Khan is a famous celebrity and has a huge fan following because of which many teenagers follow his style and brand of clothes, instead of concentrating on their studies. On the other hand, there are many influential celebrities who have reached great heights in their respective careers purely because of their hard work and dedication. These stars have worked day and night, burning the midnight oil to achieve top ranks in their chosen field. Youth who follow these leaders and famous celebrities can learn a lot from them by following their footsteps. There are multiple books written on the life stories of these heroes, which can inspire thousands of young people to work hard and build a career. For instance, a cricketer like Sachin Tendulkar, who has won millions of hearts can boost the confidence of many amateur young cricket players to strive hard in their game. Furthermore, it depends on the thought process of the youth with regards to getting impressed by a certain celebrity. For example, a teenager following the habits of a famous drug addicted pop singer will spoil his or her life. To conclude, though celebrities are popular for their fame and wealth, it is beyond doubt that this achievement is earned through great effort and dedication. Ultimately, it depends on the young generation, whether to take this as a bad reference or learn from the sacrifices of these celebrities.
In this generation, there is a view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are popular for their fame and money
rather
than their accomplishments. Does this lead to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
reference to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
? This essay
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to the above statement. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
paragraphs will delve
effectively
into both components.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the media always highlight, movie stars for the expensive things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are in the news for every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
thing done by them, as they impact society at large.
For example
, if an actor promotes an expensive brand of car, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such expensive cars irrelevant of their economic condition. Second, teenage groups
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced watching actors and try to imitate their lifestyle.
As a result
, they tend to focus less on their career and more on what their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actors wear. To quote an instance, Salman Khan is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
and has a huge fan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
follow his style and brand of clothes,
instead
of concentrating on their studies.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who have reached great heights in their respective careers
purely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication. These stars have worked day and night, burning the midnight oil to achieve top ranks in their chosen field.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Youth
who follow these leaders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can learn a lot from them by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
their footsteps. There are multiple books written on the life stories of these heroes, which can inspire thousands of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and build a career.
For instance
, a cricketer like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, who has won millions of hearts can boost the confidence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amateur young cricket players to strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in their game.
Furthermore
, it depends on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
getting impressed by a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
the habits of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
drug addicted pop singer will spoil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
life.

To conclude
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are popular for their fame and wealth, it is beyond doubt that this achievement
is earned
through great effort and dedication.
Ultimately
, it depends on the young generation, whether to take this as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
reference or learn from the sacrifices of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that organizations would benefit more from young managers than from older ones. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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