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Please complete the personal statement IN YOUR OWN WORDS. You must submit the personal statement in English in the space provided below. Describe, in no more than 500 words, your reasons for applying for your chosen course of study and the ways in which you expect your study experience to make a difference to your life and those around you. v.1

Please complete the personal statement IN YOUR OWN WORDS. You must submit the personal statement in English in the space provided below. Describe, in no more than 500 words, your reasons for applying for your chosen course of study and the ways in which you expect your study experience to make a difference to your life and those around you. v. 1
I have been interested in art and design since I was a child. However, here in Taiwan, if you can be an engineer or a doctor, you are encouraged to be one, and I am no exception. During my high school years, I was influenced by my peers, starting to change my career path to engineering. In 2016, I selected mechanical engineering as my major. It didn’t take me much time to realize that I was not good at the discipline I had chosen. Not knowing what I am capable of doing, nor do I know what I like, I could not be more lost and frustrated. Luckily, by the end of the semester, there was a design workshop drew my attention. Out of curiosity I signed it up. During the speech and activities, I felt something that I didn’t have while I studied engineering. It was the first time that I felt the passion lay within my heart. In the following semester I selected a course related to design. As I dived down deeper it became apparent that design is the field that I am good at. However, I struggled. Setting my career in design implies giving up the stable income and a smooth career path which staying in engineering guarantees. There is a voice inside telling me that I am supposed to follow my heart, but there are also many people think this is an absurd act. The two forces inside were tearing me apart, and under this situation my course performance only got worse. One day, it dawned on me that only if I do the things I like can I optimize my career development. As a result, I signed up for our school design program to help me broaden my horizon. Although studying engineering is difficult for me, I consider it as a challenge and a complementary support for my design. Besides learning through courses, combining what I had learned, I designed new products and joined in competitions. To challenge myself, I became a teaching assistant tutoring students in design. As a freelance graphic designer, I designed the logo and packaging for a foreign coffee shop. Still, even with all these experiences, it is still not enough for me. I want to test the limits and break through. Attending graduate school is a perfect opportunity to help me integrate all my skills better. It took me a long time to get myself prepared. To have my own portfolio, new products had to be designed, and there are so many design tools that I had to be familiar with. After two years of preparation, last Christmas I submitted my application. I can still remember the day I received the admission letter from California College of the Art. I woke up and check my smartphone as usual, and there was a notification popped up. For the first time in my college years, I was finally relieved.
I have
been interested
in art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
since I was a child.
However
, here in Taiwan, if you can be an engineer or a doctor, you
are encouraged
to be one, and I am no exception. During my high school years, I
was influenced
by my peers, starting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
. In 2016, I selected mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
as my major. It didn’t take me much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to realize that I was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at the discipline I had chosen. Not knowing what I am capable of doing, nor do I know what I like, I could not be more lost and frustrated.

Luckily, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the semester, there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
workshop drew my attention. Out of curiosity I signed it up. During the speech and activities, I felt something that I didn’t have while I studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
. It was the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that I felt the passion lay within my heart. In the following semester I selected a course related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I
This phrase might be redundant. Consider using "dived".
dived down
deeper it became apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
is the field that I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at.
However
, I struggled. Setting my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
implies giving up the stable income and a smooth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path which staying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
guarantees. There is a voice inside telling me that I
am supposed
to follow my heart,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is an absurd act. The two forces inside were tearing me apart, and under this situation my course performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
worse.

One day, it dawned on me that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if I do the things I like can I optimize my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
development.
As a result
, I signed up for our school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
program to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me broaden my horizon. Although studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
is difficult for me, I consider it as a challenge and a complementary support for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
.
Besides
learning through courses, combining what I had learned, I designed new products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in competitions. To challenge myself, I became a teaching assistant tutoring students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
. As a freelance graphic designer, I designed the logo and packaging for a foreign coffee shop.

Still
, even with all these experiences, it is
still
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for me. I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the limits and break through. Attending graduate school is a perfect opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me integrate all my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
better. It took me a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
myself prepared. To have my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
portfolio, new products had to
be designed
, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
tools that I had to be familiar with. After two years of preparation, last Christmas I submitted my application.

I can
still
remember the day I received the admission letter from California College of the Art. I woke up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
my smartphone as usual, and there was a notification popped up. For the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in my college years, I was
finally
relieved.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Please complete the personal statement IN YOUR OWN WORDS. You must submit the personal statement in English in the space provided below. Describe, in no more than 500 words, your reasons for applying for your chosen course of study and the ways in which you expect your study experience to make a difference to your life and those around you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
488 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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