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Please complete the personal statement IN YOUR OWN WORDS. You must submit the personal statement in English in the space provided below. Describe, in no more than 500 words, your reasons for applying for your chosen course of study and the ways in which you expect your study experience to make a difference to your life and those around you. v.2

Please complete the personal statement IN YOUR OWN WORDS. You must submit the personal statement in English in the space provided below. Describe, in no more than 500 words, your reasons for applying for your chosen course of study and the ways in which you expect your study experience to make a difference to your life and those around you. v. 2
I have been interested in art and design since I was a child. However, here in Taiwan, if you can be an engineer or a doctor, you are encouraged to be one, and I was no exception. During my high school years, I was influenced by my peers, changing my career path to engineering. In 2016, I selected mechanical engineering as my major. It didn't take me long to realize that I was not good at the discipline I had chosen. Not knowing what I was capable of doing, nor did I know what I like, I could not be more lost and frustrated. Luckily, by the end of the semester, I signed up for a design workshop. During the workshop, I felt the passion lay within my heart for the first time. As I dived down deeper in the following semester, it became apparent that I was meant to be a designer. However, I struggled. Setting my career in design implies giving up the smooth path which staying in engineering guarantees. There was a voice inside telling me to follow my heart, but the people around me all told me that it was absurd. The two forces were tearing me apart, and under the pressure my performance only got worse. One day, it dawned on me that doing what I liked was the only way to optimize my career development. As a result, I signed up for our school design program to help me broaden my horizon. I also took on the role of a design teaching assistant, tutoring students in basic design principles, and helped them carry out their own projects. Although engineering was difficult for me, I consider it as a complementary support for my design. At the very same academic year, I joined in a competition with my friends, to have my first tryout of combining engineering and design. Yet, it was not enough for me. I wanted to test the limits and break through. Attending graduate school is a perfect opportunity to help me integrate all my skills better. Thus, it became my ultimate goal of my college years. It took me a long time to get myself prepared. To have my own portfolio, new products had to be designed, and there are so many design tools that I had to be familiar with. Simply attending courses was not enough. Therefore, to challenge myself, I became a freelance graphic designer. After two years of hardworking, last Christmas I submitted my application. I can still remember the day I received the admission letter from California College of the Arts. I woke up and check my smartphone as usual, and a notification popped up. For the first time in my college years, I was finally relieved. This is not the end of the story, but the beginning of my journey. Although the future remains unknown, I shall let the things I have learned guide me and embrace whatever comes next.
I have
been interested
in art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
since I was a child.
However
, here in Taiwan, if you can be an engineer or a doctor, you
are encouraged
to be one, and I was no exception. During my high school years, I
was influenced
by my peers, changing my career path to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
. In 2016, I selected mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
as my major. It didn't take me long to realize that I was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at the discipline I had chosen. Not knowing what I was capable of doing, nor did I know what I like, I could not be more lost and frustrated.

Luckily, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the semester, I signed up for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
workshop. During the workshop, I felt the passion lay within my heart for the
first
time. As I
This phrase might be redundant. Consider using "dived".
dived down
deeper in the following semester, it became apparent that I
was meant
to be a designer.
However
, I struggled. Setting my career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
implies giving up the smooth path which staying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
guarantees. There was a voice inside telling me to follow my heart,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around me all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that it was absurd. The two forces were tearing me apart, and under the pressure my performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
worse.

One day, it dawned on me that doing what I liked was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to optimize my career development.
As a result
, I signed up for our school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
program to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me broaden my horizon. I
also
took on the role of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
teaching assistant, tutoring students in basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
principles, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them carry out their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
projects. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
was difficult for me, I consider it as a complementary support for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
. At the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
same academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in a competition with my friends, to have my
first
tryout of combining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
and design.

Yet
, it was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for me. I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the limits and break through. Attending graduate school is a perfect opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me integrate all my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
better.
Thus
, it became my ultimate goal of my college years. It took me a long time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
myself prepared. To have my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
portfolio, new products had to
be designed
, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
tools that I had to be familiar with.
Simply
attending courses was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
Therefore
, to challenge myself, I became a freelance graphic designer. After two years of hardworking, last Christmas I submitted my application.

I can
still
remember the day I received the admission letter from California College of the Arts. I woke up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
my smartphone as usual, and a notification popped up. For the
first
time in my college years, I was
finally
relieved. This is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the story,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the beginning of my journey. Although the future remains unknown, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the things I have learned guide me and embrace whatever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
next
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Please complete the personal statement IN YOUR OWN WORDS. You must submit the personal statement in English in the space provided below. Describe, in no more than 500 words, your reasons for applying for your chosen course of study and the ways in which you expect your study experience to make a difference to your life and those around you. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
493 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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