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Playing team sports is good for children to prepare for working life or not. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Playing team sports is good for children to prepare for working life or not. v. 1
Does the soccer or basketball help the next generation to become ready for a competition in the job market? . This question splits the people into two campuses, opponents and proponents. It seems clear that there are benefits for doing exercise in order to improve some skills, but not all skills needed by the employee. Firstly, the playing sport fosters some important talents in young people. The players in group games, learn a positive role of collaboration. When these players in soccer collaborate each other in order to own this game, earning this skill, classified as soft skills. Secondly, difference of games requires team works lead their players to accept other ethnic groups. For instance, if you were a professional player in Europe countries, you would accept Black or Latina people. Consequently, these games would help you to be able to incorporate with other societies and accept them. These skills are very necessary in several jobs. On the other hand, there is a vision says that these games hardly can correlate to the job market for several reasons. Firstly, these games do not bring up their players to get the contemporary profession skills. For example, one of the most important skills is usage of computer. While is true to say that the most popular games today are video games, these games do not teach their user how to use Microsoft offices. For this reason, these players may stay between jobs for a long time, having insufficient in using Microsoft programs. In conclusion, while the group team lead their user to become social person, but do not help them to learn an the intrinsic skill requiring in modern jobs. For this reason, I believe that these games partially help the younger generation in their foreseeable job, but they would miss a lot of skills if they just depended on these games.
Does the soccer or basketball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
next
generation to become ready for a competition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This question splits the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into two campuses, opponents and proponents. It seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are benefits for doing exercise in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
needed by the employee.

Firstly
, the playing sport fosters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
talents in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, learn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role of collaboration. When these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in soccer collaborate each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
this game, earning this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, classified as soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Secondly
, difference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
requires team works lead their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ethnic groups.
For instance
, if you were a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
in Europe countries, you would accept Black or Latina
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to be able to incorporate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
societies and accept them. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary in several jobs.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is a vision says that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
hardly can correlate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market for several reasons.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do not bring up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the contemporary profession
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is usage of computer. While is true to say that the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do not teach their user how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Microsoft offices.
For this reason
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
may stay between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for a long time, having insufficient in using Microsoft programs.

In conclusion
, while the group team lead their user to become social person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to learn
Did you mean "and" or "any"?
an
the intrinsic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
requiring in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For this reason
, I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
partially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the younger generation in their foreseeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they would miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
depended on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Playing team sports is good for children to prepare for working life or not. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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