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‘For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. ’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v.5

‘For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. ’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 5
Some educational experts said that it's important for kids to be able to play musical instruments as reading and writing. This escalated heated debate over this topic, importance of music in school curriculums. As a result, people are divided into two groups by this reason. The supportive group believes that it is a good for mental health, and completely agree to include the school curriculum singing class. However, there are sceptical people seeing this claim, denoting to singing class, is exaggerated. In my opinion, I believe that musical lessons partially play a major role to develop the pupil’s health, thus important for several aspects. Firstly, this type of class could help some student to mediate their mental issues, but aggravating some health issues. Firstly, it can be deniable that some students have an emotional problem in their life, and the psychologists recommend for them to relaxation approach, including learning new skills. For this reason, if student learnt to play singing, it would help them to avoid some diseases; such as anxiety or panic attacks. On the other hands, it needlessly says that escaping from life issues a good solution, because accumulating them. If these issues accumulated, would explosive and lead to catastrophic situation. On the other hand, teaching literature for kids are very important for logical reasons. Firstly, a lot of researches contend that it's easy for scholars to learn any things in early age. The previous reason shows that these kids, learning the literature, will be more professional than their peers. Secondly, having let scholar to have global language, these lessons will enable these pupils to speak with the human kind. In conclusion, it is apparent that there is an argument on the role of music on the school student. In succinct words, while these lessons are recommended by psychologists to improve nervous system, also leading some time for adverse effect. For these reasons, in my belief musical lesson is partially importance coming through classified as the global language.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
educational experts said that it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for kids to be able to play musical instruments as reading and writing. This escalated heated debate over this topic, importance of music in school curriculums.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are divided
into two groups by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
. The supportive group believes that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for mental health, and completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to include the school curriculum singing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
However
, there are
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seeing this claim, denoting to singing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
is exaggerated
. In my opinion, I believe that musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
partially
play a major role to develop the pupil’s health,
thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for several aspects.

Firstly
, this type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to mediate their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
aggravating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
Firstly
, it can be deniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have an emotional problem in their life, and the psychologists recommend for them to relaxation approach, including learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go singing".
play singing
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases; such as anxiety or panic attacks. On the other hands, it
needlessly
says that escaping from life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
accumulating them. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
accumulated, would explosive and lead to catastrophic situation.

On the other hand
, teaching literature for kids are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
researches contend that it's easy for scholars to learn any things in early age. The previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that these kids, learning the literature, will be more professional than their peers.
Secondly
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
scholar to have global language, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
will enable these pupils to speak with the human kind.

In conclusion
, it is apparent that there is an argument on the role of music on the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. In succinct words, while these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are recommended
by psychologists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
nervous system,
also
leading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for adverse effect. For these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, in my belief musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
is
partially
importance coming through classified as the global language.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay ‘For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. ’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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