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Essay: Some people believe that sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst others believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Essay: Some people believe that sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst others believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v. 2
The question of whether sports should be an obligatory subject in school or not has remained a burning topic. For advocates of this proposal, such physical activities can lead to several benefits, by stark contrast, some individuals hold a contradictory opinion. In this essay, I will disseminate my opinions regarding the advantages and disadvantages of sports in schools Sports is inevitably beneficial to students in terms of strength development and skills promoting. To begin with, sport provides all players with decent benefits as it strengthens one’s well-being. By applying physical activities daily or weekly, participants may diminish the threat of heart diseases or blood pressure. Moreover, sports also act as an indirect prescription to prevent weight problems, sugar levels along with fitness problems, namely obesity, and diabetes. Another observable profit of sports is its role in enhancing competitors’ skills. To illustrate, players in team games as soccer, basketball, or baseball is granted an opportunity to augment their communicating, team-working and coordinating skills. Other court games as tennis, badminton or chess tends to advance player's thinking ability, firm stuff, and independent working. Conversely, some people claim that the appearance of sports in the school’s curriculum demonstrates considerable shortcomings comprising the expenses and the risk of injury. In the first place, players are likely to encounter the possibility of being hurt. If students, unfortunately, is confronted with an injury, the chances are that they will be interrupted in their studies and leisure activities. Besides, a certain amount of time is required to cure the pain which is likely to annoy these victims. A more noticeable demerit of sports can be traced back to its expenditures. For example, to have the right tennis match, schools need a large number of fees just to construct the court, furthermore, facilities and maintenance fee can profoundly alter the school’s financial plans To summarize, whether sports are essential in the school’s curriculum is still a matter of opinion. It earns its credit as improving students’ fitness and skills, nonetheless, there stands a concern in the price and injury problems. Personally, sports should be mandatory in schools, since learners’ can regenerate their reserves of stamina and decline stress after their exhausting day; hence, an apprentice can perform better
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be an obligatory subject in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or not has remained a burning topic. For advocates of this proposal, such physical activities can lead to several benefits, by stark contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals hold a contradictory opinion. In this essay, I will disseminate my opinions regarding the advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in schools

Sports is
inevitably
beneficial to students in terms of strength development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
promoting. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
provides all players with decent benefits as it strengthens one’s well-being. By applying physical activities daily or weekly, participants may diminish the threat of heart diseases or blood pressure.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
act as an indirect prescription to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
weight problems, sugar levels along with fitness problems,
namely
obesity, and diabetes. Another observable profit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is its role in enhancing competitors’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To illustrate, players in team games as soccer, basketball, or baseball
is granted
an opportunity to augment their communicating, team-working and coordinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Other court games as tennis, badminton or chess tends to advance player's thinking ability, firm stuff, and independent working.

Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that the appearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
curriculum demonstrates considerable shortcomings comprising the expenses and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of injury. In the
first
place, players are likely to encounter the possibility of
being hurt
. If students, unfortunately,
is confronted
with an injury, the chances are that they will
be interrupted
in their studies and leisure activities.
Besides
, a certain amount of time
is required
to cure the pain which is likely to annoy these victims. A more noticeable demerit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
be traced
back to its expenditures.
For example
, to have the right tennis match,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to construct the court,
furthermore
, facilities and maintenance fee can
profoundly
alter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
financial plans

To summarize
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are essential in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
curriculum is
still
a matter of opinion. It earns its credit as improving students’ fitness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, nonetheless, there stands a concern in the price and injury problems.
Personally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be mandatory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, since learners’ can regenerate their reserves of stamina and decline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after their exhausting day;
hence
, an apprentice can perform better
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay: Some people believe that sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst others believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v. 2

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
369 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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