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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.17

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 17
It is unquestionable that many countries are facing the globalization which all nations are becoming more similar in term of their product and service. This trend was perceived by most people as a positive trend while I think that it causes more negative consequence of local business and young generation. To begin with, advanced technology creates opportunity for businesses to easily produce and sell their products and services across different continents with less obstacle. Although there are some benefits in term of business expansion for multinational corporations, many local businesses are suffering from this globalization. For example, Japan, one of the most popular tourist destinations, used to generate revenue of more than 300 billion dollars per year from selling their product or service to foreigners during 2007 to 2012. However, in 2015, the entering of international large companies creates negative impact to the main source of income for local people by reducing the income of more than 30% of its past figure. Another important issue that need to be considered is the negative influence and culture that brought by multinational companies. For instance, Franchise restaurants such as McDonald and KFC cause the trend of consuming unhealthy food for youngsters. Since the first emerge of fast food chains in China, the research from Warwick university revealed that young people experienced 25% more risk of being obesity and cardiovascular disease. This negative trend of consuming unhealthy food causes the health risk to young generation in many countries. In conclusion, even though the globalization would have some merits that favour international companies to do business with less barrier, it also made local people to be more suffering from business risk and the young generation are experiencing more health risk than they used to.
It is unquestionable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are facing the globalization which all nations are becoming more similar in term of their product and service. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
was perceived
by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it causes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, advanced technology creates opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
easily
produce and sell their products and services across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continents with less obstacle. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
expansion for multinational corporations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are suffering from this globalization.
For example
, Japan, one of the most popular tourist destinations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to generate revenue of more than 300 billion dollars per year from selling their product or service to foreigners during 2007 to 2012.
However
, in 2015, the entering of international large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact to the main source of income for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by reducing the income of more than 30% of its past figure.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue that need to
be considered
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
influence and culture that brought by multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, Franchise restaurants such as McDonald and KFC cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of consuming unhealthy food for youngsters. Since the
first
emerge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food chains in China, the research from Warwick university revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experienced 25% more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of being obesity and cardiovascular disease. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of consuming unhealthy food causes the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

In conclusion
,
even though
the globalization would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits that
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with less barrier, it
also
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation are experiencing more health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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