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Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology is now replacing their functions. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology is now replacing their functions. v. 2
There have been some recent arguments that funding the public library system is wasteful since the information technology can now achieve most of its functionality. I completely disagree with the assertion. I believe computers are not able to replace local libraries' community roles and provide some of the substantial services. For starters, public libraries' community centre role cannot be replaced by computer technology. Firstly, local branches regularly hold off-line events for residents. For example, they provide master-gardener lessons, language exchange sessions, and book-signing events. All those activities require physical space for gathering and cannot be fulfilled by the online system. Secondly, public libraries are a haven for the deprived population. For those who couldn't afford to install air conditioning, in particular, they could go to the library in the summertime and enjoy the cold breeze. Another example would be children who are unable to afford books and computers, and local libraries can be their last resources for information access. Another crucial fact to consider is that the public library system offers services that computers simply can not. To begin with, on-site librarians in local branches can provide free on-site reference consultations. In other words, they assist you with your research topic and make suggestions on limiting or expanding your research scopes. At the same time, libraries usually have partnerships with academic institutes and could connect you with topic-related experts. The second point to consider is that public libraries can help save and store antique books. Ancient manual scripts, for instance, need substantial efforts for professional technicians to preserve and restore. The information network, however, cannot provide the physical room with high temperature and humidity control that those valuable books need to be sheltered in. In conclusion, I do not consent to the argument that technology can swap out all the roles provided by public libraries, and it is wasteful to support them financially. On the contrary, I believe public libraries have a significant role in society and should receive more attention and better funding.
There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recent arguments that funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library system is wasteful since the information technology can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
achieve most of its functionality. I completely disagree with the assertion. I believe computers are not able to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
libraries' community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
substantial services.

For starters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries' community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
cannot
be replaced
by computer technology.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
branches
regularly
hold off-line
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for residents.
For example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
master-gardener lessons, language exchange sessions, and book-signing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. All those activities require physical space for gathering and cannot
be fulfilled
by the online system.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are a haven for the deprived population. For those who couldn't afford to install air conditioning,
in particular
, they could go to the library in the
Consider using "summer".
summertime
and enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
breeze. Another example would be children who are unable to afford books and computers, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
libraries can be their last resources for information access.

Another crucial fact to consider is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library system offers services that computers
simply
can not. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, on-site librarians in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
branches can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
free on-site reference consultations.
In other words
, they assist you with your research topic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
suggestions on limiting or expanding your research scopes. At the same time, libraries
usually
have partnerships with academic institutes and could connect you with topic-related experts. The second point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
save and store antique books. Ancient manual scripts,
for instance
, need substantial efforts for professional technicians to preserve and restore. The information network,
however
, cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the physical room with high temperature and humidity control that those valuable books need to
be sheltered
in.

In conclusion
, I do not consent to the argument that technology can swap out all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries, and it is wasteful to support them
financially
.
On the contrary
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries have a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in society and should receive more attention and better funding.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology is now replacing their functions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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