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There is a big influence of peer groups on children’s behavior. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

There is a big influence of peer groups on children’s behavior. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Family is the first foundation of the behaviour of the children, as they grow more and start to going schools, they are influenced by the friends they make. Causing effects on the way they are thinking about different issues as well as their behaviour and the decision they make. This issue brings benefits and drawbacks. To begin with, having the group of friends means that children are less likely to be lonely bring the sense of happiness and satisfaction. So having a group of friends helps the children to improve their social skills and communication. Through participating in peer groups, children learn and practice teamwork, leadership and empathy, helping them to prepare for upcoming challenges in society. Peer groups also could have positive effects on academic results of children. By studying as group they learn to inquire and share idea, teach each other and how to solve a problem. They are motivated to achieve more than when they study individually. Therefore study in group serves as incentive for learning. On the negative side, bulling and teasing are results of peer group interactions. Children who has low self-esteem and poor social skills are victims that they may suffer physically and emotionally that cause drop in their school grades and depression. These problems could last into adulthood period and interfere with personal and professional lives. They also may pressurize by peers to do something wrong, for example, shoplifting, taking drugs or alcohol or taking risks during driving. In my opinion, strong family relationships could buffer these negative effects. Parents must talk to children about peer pressure and promote their self-esteem and social skills and also they must monitor the relationship of the children with their friends. In conclusion, peer group could bring positive and negative points. If parents teach children how handle ne negative effect, it can be largley positive
Family is the
first
foundation of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as they grow more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to going schools, they
are influenced
by the friends they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. Causing effects on the way they are thinking about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues
as well
as their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and the decision they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. This issue brings benefits and drawbacks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of friends means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less likely to be lonely bring the sense of happiness and satisfaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and communication. Through participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn and practice teamwork, leadership and empathy, helping them to prepare for upcoming challenges in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
also
could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on academic results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By studying as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
they learn to inquire and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, teach each other and how to solve a problem. They
are motivated
to achieve more than when they study
individually
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
serves as incentive for learning.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
side, bulling and teasing are results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
interactions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'Children' should be used.
has
low self-esteem and poor social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are victims that they may suffer
physically
and
emotionally
that cause drop in their school grades and depression. These problems could last into adulthood period and interfere with personal and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They
also
may pressurize by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
for example
, shoplifting, taking drugs or alcohol or taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
during driving. In my opinion, strong family relationships could buffer these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
pressure and promote their self-esteem and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
monitor the relationship of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their friends.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
points. If parents teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how handle
Did you mean "né", "me", or "no"?
ne
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
, it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
largley
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
positive
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay There is a big influence of peer groups on children’s behavior. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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