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People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 4
In this era of unprecedented technology, there are plenty of advertisements in the surround of our lives. Slimming products, lavish products, and makeup products, to name but just a few. Some individuals may claim that people's are affected by the advertisements negatively. However, I do not agree with this statement. To commence with, the advertisements stimulates economy on society. There are earning money from the various of products largely that almost in every city. For instance, there are flourishing in Central of Hong Kong, and the store located in there has a great number of interests. This is simply because, a lot of advertisements promoted by TV, broadcasts and mobile phone, which can contribute a desire of consumption to the HongKongers. Not only did they not feel unhappy, but also made them satisfied. Furthermore, there are enhancing the quality of life of people's. Gone are the days of lacking money, many countries have developed. For example, a lot of people in New York that they can buy various of products. Such as Nike, Dior. People's purchase these products due to the advertisements, which can increase their happiness. As they are having more products they want. In conclusion, I think that people's lives surrounded by advertisements is not a bad thing. As the benefits outweigh its drawbacks.
In this era of unprecedented technology, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in the surround of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Slimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and makeup
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals may claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
negatively
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
stimulates economy on society. There are earning money from
The phrase 'the various of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the various of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
largely
that almost in every city.
For instance
, there are flourishing in Central of Hong Kong, and the store located in there has a great number of interests. This is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
promoted by TV, broadcasts and mobile phone, which can contribute a desire of consumption to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
HongKongers
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did they not feel unhappy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
made them satisfied.

Furthermore
, there are enhancing the quality of life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
. Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days of lacking money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have developed.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in New York that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
various of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Such as Nike, Dior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, which can increase their happiness.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they are having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they want.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
surrounded by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the benefits outweigh its drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisement. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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