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Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that human beings are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that human beings are more important. v. 1
It’s argued that people must tackle the issue related to the extinction of numerous animals, while others think that humanity should be prioritized. Although many urgent mankind problems need most resources to solve, I believe that preserving the animal world to remain the balance of nature is more essential. People believe that the human race should be placed on the top because authorities need to prioritize their funding for global issues threatening directly human life. In other words, the humankind is facing various problems, such as climate change and air pollution, affecting directly to human life which solving it required governments and people to concentrate all the resource. For example, a report of U. N. organization in 2017 showed that countries have to spend at least 100 million dollars to set up a natural reserve and this amount can help millions of poor people overcome their hunger. However, I believe that men and women must conserve the potential extinct animal due to its critical role in the natural world. On the other hand, some argued that state authorities and people urgently protect the animal species facing extinction because these creatures play a vital role in the natural cycle. And the extinction of these cannot recover, which damages to the balance of the natural world and causes many negative consequences to the Earth and human beings, such as rocketing a particular species population or depleting many food chains. For instance, the mass extinction of the lion in Australia helps to increase the Kanguru population to a dangerous level and this affects the farm crops. Moreover, I believe that governments, businesses, and people should protect the animal world, thus the younger generation doesn’t need to learn many animal species through books. In conclusion, while some believe that humanity is the first priority due to many human life threats which need concentrating many resources, I believe that people and authorities have to seek for solutions of the extinct animal to maintain the natural world in a balanced stance.
It’s argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
tackle the issue related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that humanity should
be prioritized
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urgent mankind problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
most resources to solve, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to remain the balance of nature is more essential.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race should
be placed
on the top
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
authorities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to prioritize their funding for global issues threatening
directly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life.
In other words
, the humankind is facing various problems, such as climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and air pollution, affecting
directly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life which solving it required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to concentrate all the resource.
For example
, a report of U. N. organization in 2017
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend at least 100 million dollars to set up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
reserve and this amount can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
millions of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcome their hunger.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
conserve the potential extinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
due to its critical role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argued that state authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
urgently
protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these creatures play a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
cycle. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of these cannot recover, which damages to the balance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
the Earth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings, such as rocketing a particular species population or depleting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
food chains.
For instance
, the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of the lion in Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kanguru
population to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
level and this affects the farm crops.
Moreover
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, businesses, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
thus
the younger generation doesn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species through books.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that humanity is the
first
priority due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life threats which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
concentrating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
seek for solutions of the extinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in a balanced stance.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that human beings are more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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