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People work hard to buy more things in life. This has made our life more comfortable but it is pity that many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. v.1

People work hard to buy more things in life. This has made our life more comfortable but it is pity that many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. v. 1
In Today's world status of a person is judged by the car he drives, the branded clothes he wears, branded phone he owns, the posh place he stays in and so on. It has become an endless battle which never going to stop because there is no end to it. In order to appear cooler in front of other people and to achieve more and more comfort people have become more and more materialistic and money minded. They have lost their traditional values with this mind shift. It has gone so deep into the value system of present generation that it has become very difficult to understand the value of people and relationships. The desire to rise in their career which is considered good have bound people to leave their cities, even their countries to move and settle in different developed cities and countries. People sometimes leave their families, values and beliefs. They do that so that they can enjoy the comfortable lifestyle and afford homes in posh cities, buy luxurious brands. This is good as long as they lead a balanced life and don't let materialism corrupt their mindset. However, it has been seen that people who get used to the luxurious lifestyle may often leave their families, especially their old parents alone who took care of them during childhood. For them, a relationship doesn't hold much importance but money and materialism do. They get fascinated and value people who are leading the lifestyle they admire rather than respecting and loving their loved ones. This not only shows people in the modern world have become self-centered and selfish but also show how hollow can one person’s thought process be. They never realise even after spending lots and lots of money in the rat race of comfort and materialism they are still unhappy and lonely from deep inside. Even worse, in some cases, they have lost the love of their loved ones whom they left alone. I believe people need to be ambitious but they should not forget to remain grounded. Because if you are grounded you can still enjoy the comfortable life you always wanted to lead but you end up valuing the relationship and traditional values more than materialism which has not substance/life.
In
Today
's world status of a person
is judged
by the car he drives, the branded clothes he wears, branded phone he
owns
, the posh place he stays in and
so
on. It has
become
an endless battle which never going to
stop
because
there is no
end
to it.

In order to appear cooler in front of other
people
and to achieve more and more comfort
people
have
become
more and more materialistic and money minded. They have lost their traditional values with this mind shift. It has gone
so
deep into the
value
system of present generation that it has
become
very
difficult to understand the
value
of
people
and relationships.

The desire to rise in their career which
is considered
good
have bound
people
to
leave
their cities, even their countries to
move
and settle in
different
developed cities and countries.
People
sometimes
leave
their families, values and beliefs. They do that
so
that they can enjoy the comfortable lifestyle and afford homes in posh cities,
buy
luxurious brands. This is
good
as long as they lead a balanced life and don't
let
materialism corrupt their mindset.
However
, it has been
seen
that
people
who
get
used
to the luxurious lifestyle may
often
leave
their families,
especially
their
old
parents alone who took care of them during childhood. For them, a relationship doesn't hold much importance
but
money and materialism do. They
get
fascinated and
value
people
who are leading the lifestyle they admire
rather
than respecting and loving their
loved
ones.

This not
only
shows
people
in the modern world have
become
self-centered and selfish
but
also
show
how hollow can one person’s
thought
process be. They never
realise
even after spending lots and lots of money in the rat race of comfort and materialism they are
still
unhappy and lonely from deep inside. Even worse, in
some
cases, they have lost the
love
of their
loved
ones whom they
left
alone.

I believe
people
need to be ambitious
but
they should not forget to remain grounded.
Because
if you
are grounded
you can
still
enjoy the comfortable life you always wanted to lead
but
you
end
up valuing the relationship and traditional values more than materialism which has not substance/life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People work hard to buy more things in life. This has made our life more comfortable but it is pity that many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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