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People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.2

In the modern era, everybody wants to become a rich person and they work hard to achieve various amenities in order to make life comfortable. However, it is believed that old values have been disappeared due to materialism. In my opinion, the modern way to earn name and fame is a big caused to lost traditional values. However, this does not apply to every individual because some of them still attain their ethical values and working hard in this world. First of all, hard competition between people makes them materialist because everybody wants to do the same thing as their competitors. For example, One’s buy a specious house by his or her hard work, other people want to challenge them and buy an expensive home and vehicle. Therefore, when a person attracts by materialism, he or she tries to possess it by hook or by crook and does not hesitate to follow the unethical modes for it. On the other hand, this case is not for all the people who work hard to fulfil their daily needs. Majority of individuals balance their life between ethical values and materialism. Such as, there are various traditional singers or actors who get fame by their hard work in previous years. Nowadays, they are still working to make their life easy. However, they are still attached to their cultural roots. Hence, they have created their own way of upbringing the ancestral values as well as responding to the need of the materialistic world. In conclusion, work hard is important in order to achieve daily needs and survive in this world. However, some people forget their traditional values and become materialistic when they get comfortable life with all amenities.

In the modern era, everybody wants to become a rich Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).person, and
person and
 they You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtaskindustrytrialjobproductionstruggle
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsolidstrongtough
hard
 to achieve various amenities in order to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
 comfortable. However
, it is believed
 that This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ancientagedmature
old
 values have been disappeared
 due to materialism. In my opinion, the modern way to earn name and fame is a This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:hugeenormousgiganticvast
big
 caused to lost traditional values. However
, this does not apply to every individual This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 of them still
 attain their ethical values and working You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsolidstrongtough
hard
 in this world.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsolidstrongtough
hard
 competition between You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.make
makes
 them materialist This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
 everybody wants to do the same thing as their competitors. For example
, One’s This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :purchase
buy
 a specious This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :residence
house
 by This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:their
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsolidstrongtough
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtaskindustrytrialjobproductionstruggle
work
, other You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
 want to challenge them and This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :purchase
buy
 an expensive home and vehicle. Therefore
, when a person attracts by materialism, he or she tries to possess it by hook or by crook and does not hesitate to follow the unethical modes for it.

On the other hand
, this case is not for all the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
 who You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtaskindustrytrialjobproductionstruggle
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsolidstrongtough
hard
 to fulfil their daily needs. Majority of individuals balance their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
 between ethical values and materialism. Such as, there are various traditional singers or actors who This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 fame by their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsolidstrongtough
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtaskindustrytrialjobproductionstruggle
work
 in previous years. Nowadays, they are still
 working to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
 their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
 easy. However
, they are still
 attached to their cultural roots. Hence
, they have created their This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :possess
own
 way of upbringing the ancestral values as well
 as responding to the need of the materialistic world.

In conclusion
, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtaskindustrytrialjobproductionstruggle
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsolidstrongtough
hard
 is This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:vitalcriticalessential
important
 in order to achieve daily needs and survive in this world. However
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
 forget their traditional values and become materialistic when they This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 comfortable You use this word too often, consider replacing it withheartgrowthsoulactivity
life
 with all amenities. 