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People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.1

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. with the statement? v. 1
At present, people are becoming too materialistic and working hard so that they can afford more amenities. This is making our lives easier but simultaneously a lot of precious ancestral values are becoming a casualty of it. I strongly agree with the notion that, commodity fetishism is the main reason why we have lost a good number of ancestral norms. There are scores of reasons behind this; firstly, excessive obsession for materials could derail a person from cultural ethics and values. When a person becomes seduced by materialism, he or she tries to possess it by hook or by crook and does not hesitate to adopt the unethical modes for it. This is the first blow to our hereditary values of which morality comprises the most durable part. Secondly, the person who is obsessed with belongings often prioritizes it over domestic life. As an indispensable consequence, it creates cracks and fissures in their family life. Any bad impact on the domestic life adversely affects the social structure as well as the culture. However, the case is not exactly same for all the people who work hard as well as buy things to make their lives easeful. There are ample of examples of successful people who have established a sound balance among all aspects of their lives. Thus, they have created their own way of fostering the ancestral values as well as responding to the crying needs of the materialistic world. Finally, I pen down recapitulating that extreme quest for materials creates imbalances in our moral & social lives and thus brings ruin to our conventional values and principles.
At present,
people
are becoming too materialistic and working
hard
so
that they can afford more amenities. This is making our
lives
easier
but
simultaneously
a lot of
precious ancestral values are becoming a casualty of it. I
strongly
agree
with the notion that, commodity fetishism is the main reason why we have lost a
good
number of ancestral norms.

There are scores of reasons behind this;
firstly
, excessive obsession for materials could derail a person from cultural ethics and values. When a person becomes seduced by materialism, he or she tries to possess it by hook or by crook and does not hesitate to adopt the unethical modes for it. This is the
first
blow to our hereditary values of which morality comprises the most durable part.
Secondly
, the person who
is obsessed
with belongings
often
prioritizes it over domestic life. As an indispensable consequence, it creates cracks and fissures in their family life. Any
bad
impact on the domestic life
adversely
affects the social structure
as well
as the culture.

However
, the case is not exactly same for all the
people
who work
hard
as well
as
buy
things to
make
their
lives
easeful
. There are ample of examples of successful
people
who have established a sound balance among all aspects of their
lives
.
Thus
, they have created their
own
way of fostering the ancestral values
as well
as responding to the crying needs of the materialistic world.

Finally
, I pen down recapitulating that extreme quest for materials creates imbalances in our moral & social
lives
and
thus
brings ruin to our conventional values and principles.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. with the statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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