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People nowdays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

People nowdays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way such materialism. v. 1
It is no doubt that smoking habits are becoming serious issues in all over the world. It is beneficial for the development of a country. Nowadays, many authorities have caught laws for banning smoking in public attraction places such as bars, restaurants, offices and many more. I agree with the given statement with banning smoking in these places. The upcoming paragraphs will examine the reasons with banning smoking at these are placed. First of all, it has been shown in many of the recent research that people who are exposed to passive smoking are equally liable for smoking side-effects which might reach to dangerous ones such as chronic lung diseases and cancers. So strictly keep public places out of smoking hazards will help in preventing any harm to others. In a way to apply this measure, many places have installed smoke detector devices in order to easily detect any trying to break the case. Secondly, many people who do not like the smell of the smoke will be more annoyed if the place is full of its smell, also if you have your small children with you definitely you will not be happy if the smokes are everywhere. It is sometimes difficult to find a place free of smoke to enjoy with your family. Turning to the other side of the argument, we cannot deny that some people are disappointed with this charter; they are considering this interfering with their freedom, and restrain them. For example, the smoker who is enjoying his lunch in the restaurant had to go out for smoking. Another group who are not in the favour of the decision as they feel that it is affecting their business. Take bar and restaurant owners, for example, the feel that the customers do not stay more because they want to go to fresh air for smoking which in turn influence their income. To sum up, it is clear that the advantage of smoking banning outweighs the disadvantages because it helps to protect from many illnesses and discomfort in public areas.
It is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
habits are becoming serious issues in all over the world. It is beneficial for the development of a country. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
authorities have caught laws for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public attraction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as bars, restaurants, offices and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The upcoming paragraphs will examine the reasons with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at these
are placed
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it has
been shown
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the recent research that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are exposed
to passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
are
equally
liable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
which might reach to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
ones such as chronic lung diseases and cancers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
strictly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
hazards will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in preventing any harm to others. In a way to apply this measure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
have installed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
detector devices in order to
easily
detect any trying to break the case.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not like the smell of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
will be more annoyed if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is full of its smell,
also
if you have your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children with you definitely you will not be happy if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smokes
are everywhere. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
difficult to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
free of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
to enjoy with your family.

Turning to the other side of the argument, we cannot deny that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are disappointed
with this charter; they are considering this interfering with their freedom, and restrain them.
For example
, the smoker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is enjoying his lunch in the restaurant had to go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. Another group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the decision as they feel that it is affecting their business. Take bar and restaurant owners,
for example
, the feel that the customers do not stay more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to go to fresh air for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
which in turn influence their income.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
outweighs the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to protect from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses and discomfort in public areas.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People nowdays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way such materialism. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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