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People who read for pleasure in their free time have better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.1

People who read for pleasure in their free time have better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. v. 1
It is true that, nowadays there has been a huge rise in reading for pleasure. In fact, I strongly believe that reading different kinds of books and novels improves imagination skills than watching television for the two reasons. Firstly, by reading books increase the creativity in the mind. While I concede that watching television has some effects on the mind, but the problem is that watching TV spoils your eyes by its rays. A recent research shows that people who watch television for a number of hours tend to get eyesight. Therefore, it's much better to read than watching and reading help you to gain logical thinking, which leads to a great imagination. Another reason for regular readers is they improve their mind mapping and cognitive skills. Although I knowledge that television has more visuals than any book, but you cannot carry your television with you anywhere with you than a book. Moreover, books are very handy and light in weight. As a result, it's much beneficial to read and build visuals in the mind than watching any screen. The final reason is e-books which are easily available online and can be stored in e-readers. In fact, this technology helps you to store a hundred of books in one device and carry anywhere with you and read where ever you want. A good example of this is an Amazon e-reader. Which provides all the facilities required by any readers. In short, not only does books help you to develop creativity and mind mapping techniques, but it also available online in the form of e-book. Therefore, although, I acknowledge that watching television do have some impact, but I personally believe books are much advantageous.
It is true that, nowadays there has been a huge rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
for pleasure. In fact, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and novels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
imagination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for the two reasons.

Firstly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
increase the creativity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. While I concede that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the problem is that watching TV spoils your eyes by its rays. A recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a number of hours tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
eyesight.
Therefore
, it's much better to read than watching and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to gain logical thinking, which leads to a great imagination.

Another reason for regular readers is they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
mapping and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Although
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I knowledge
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has more visuals than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you cannot carry your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
with you anywhere with you than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy and
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
light in weight
.
As a result
, it's much beneficial to read and build visuals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
than watching any screen.

The final reason is e-books which are
easily
available online and can
be stored
in e-readers. In fact, this technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to store a hundred of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in one device and carry anywhere with you and read where ever you want. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is an Amazon e-reader.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
provides all the facilities required by any readers.

In short, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to develop creativity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
mapping techniques,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
also
available online in the form of e-book.
Therefore
, although, I acknowledge that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are much advantageous.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People who read for pleasure in their free time have better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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