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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v.8

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 8
Nowadays, art is a wider role to play in all cultures throughout the world. However, some people believe that science, technology and businesses are more important than art. In this essay I will discuss some of the biggest reasons associated with why fewer people pay more attention technology and businesses rather than art and will propose solutions to tackle this problem. On the one hand, one of the most significant reasons of fewer people focus on technology and businesses rather than art is financial objectives. In other words. No one doubts that in this digital age technology and businesses has a crucial role in the world due to many people can also make more money or wages and payment rather than art. Furthermore, another reason which must be considered is art do not have a high job opportunities. Actually the utilities of jobs related of technology and businesses are more than art. Finally, the majority of people do not have any time to spending art because they are usually have a different idea about art. The most important priority of many people in the world do not irrelevant art. On the other hand. The best way to tackle this problem is local government or citizens could organize fun such as, photo gallery, dance competitions, painting exhibitions. Secondly, it seems education initiatives could make positive contributions on this issue. Recent research has shown that government can improvements and innovations related to art in education with special program. In conclusion, today the majority of people sought to make a profit on their career related to technology and businesses. However, education initiatives and some of the events such as, painting exhibitions can also solve this problem.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a wider role to play in all cultures throughout the world.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that science,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. In this essay I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the biggest reasons associated with why fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and will propose solutions to tackle this problem.

On the one hand, one of the most significant reasons of fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is financial objectives.
In other words
. No one doubts that in this digital age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
has a crucial role in the world due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money or wages and payment
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Furthermore
, another reason which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
do not have a high job opportunities. Actually the utilities of jobs related of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Finally
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any time to spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
usually
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
priority of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world do not irrelevant art.

On the other hand
. The best way to tackle this problem is local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or citizens could organize fun such as, photo gallery, dance competitions, painting exhibitions.
Secondly
, it seems education initiatives could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
The usual preposition for "contribution" is "to". Did you mean "contributions to"?
contributions on
this issue. Recent research has shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can improvements and innovations related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in education with special program.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit on their career related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
However
, education initiatives and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as, painting exhibitions can
also
solve this problem.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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