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People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. v. 1
Health problems caused by the excessive consumption of fast foods have assumed epidemic proportions all over the world. According to some people, it is important to impose a high tax on junk feed to discourage people from eating such foods. In my opinion, this will deter only the middle and lower income groups. To begin with, imposing a higher tax will make fast foods unaffordable to poor people. This will force them to cook proper meals at home. While this might cause them some inconvenience, it is actually good for their health. However, the taxes will not discourage affluent consumers from buying fast cuisine. They will continue to consume it. That means increasing the levy on fast feed will have only a marginal effect on its drinking. Creating awareness about the ill-effects of fast foods is also unlikely to be of much help. Most people who consume fast foods are actually aware of its health consequences. For instance, a survey conducted in Singapore, one of the developed countries in the world, revealed that people are compelled to buy fast foods because of their busy schedule even though they are aware of the health problems. Perhaps a better solution is to make healthy feed more affordable and accessible. One of the main reasons that increase the utilization of fast foods is that they can be cooked in a matter of minutes. Ready-to-eat foods are also available in supermarkets. Many people are consuming fast foods because healthier alternatives are not conveniently available. To conclude, increasing the duty on fast foods will only deter the low income groups from buying them. If the governments really want to reduce the expenditure of fast foods, making healthier alternatives more affordable and accessible is the best solution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
problems caused by the excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have assumed epidemic proportions all over the world. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to impose a high tax on junk feed to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from eating such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. In my opinion, this will deter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the middle and lower income groups.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, imposing a higher tax will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
unaffordable to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This will force them to cook proper meals at home. While this might cause them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenience, it is actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, the taxes will not discourage affluent consumers from buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
cuisine. They will continue to consume it. That means increasing the levy on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
feed will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a marginal effect on its drinking.

Creating awareness about the ill-effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is
also
unlikely to be of much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are actually aware of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
consequences.
For instance
, a survey conducted in Singapore, one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in the world, revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are compelled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedule
even though
they are aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

Perhaps a better solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy feed more affordable and accessible. One of the main reasons that increase the utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is that they can
be cooked
in a matter of minutes. Ready-to-eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
also
available in supermarkets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
healthier alternatives are not
conveniently
available.

To conclude
, increasing the duty on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deter the low income groups from buying them. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, making healthier alternatives more affordable and accessible is the best solution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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