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People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. v. 2
Many people argue that foreigners should adapt to the local customs and traditions when they come to reside in a new country. I completely agree with this point of view. Newcomers will certainly face difficulties if they do not conform to the norms of social behavior in the host country. Firstly, it will almost impossible for them to blend into their new environment. For example, a entrepreneur who come to live in a new country and start up a business must be aware of business practices of that country. There are bound to be many pitfalls, not only legal ones but also simply interm of winning and keeping customers. Secondly, recent immigrants might fall foul of the law if they do not respect the behavior and customs of local. In Singapore, for instance, resident will consider newcomers dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in public places. There are also many benefits for foreigners when they do adopt the the customs and traditions of their new country or residence. One advantage is that local people will be more welcoming when they feel that the newcomers are showing respect for the local way of life. The establishment of closer links with the host community might lead to greater integration and mutual understanding. Another benefit is the richness of the experience which newcomers will gain from enjoying aspects of local customs and traditions, enabling them to participate in community life and avoid social isolation. During festivals and national holidays, especially, they will feel like they " belong" in the new country. In conclusion, I would argue that it is essential for new residents to follow the traditions and habits of local in the host community in order to integrate fully into society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that foreigners should adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to reside in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view.

Newcomers will
certainly
face difficulties if they do not conform to the norms of social behavior in the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, it
The word 'impossible' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
will almost impossible
for them to blend into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment.
For example
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
entrepreneur who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up a business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of business practices of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There
are bound
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pitfalls, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
legal ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
simply
Possible spelling mistake found.
interm
of winning and keeping customers.
Secondly
, recent immigrants might fall foul of the law if they do not respect the behavior and customs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
. In Singapore,
for instance
, resident will consider newcomers dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in public places.

There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for foreigners when they do adopt
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or residence. One advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be more welcoming when they feel that the newcomers are showing respect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
way of life. The establishment of closer links with the host community might lead to greater integration and mutual understanding. Another benefit is the richness of the experience which newcomers will gain from enjoying aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, enabling them to participate in community life and avoid social isolation. During festivals and national holidays,
especially
, they will feel like they
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
belong&quot
; in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
country.

In conclusion
, I would argue that it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
residents to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
in the host community in order to integrate
fully
into society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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