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People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v.2

People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v. 2
Skills are an essential requirement along with hard work in making a task successful. The skills to perform a work are acquired by any individual over a course of time. Some people consider that it is better to be a master in one particular skill rather than focussing on knowing skills of varied kind. Some people consider that skills are inherent in an individual; one only needs to recognise it and polish them with to gain expertise. Others say skills are entirely acquired through practise. Based on my personal experience, I would support the fact that it is good to acquire skills related to different works. I would substantiate this fact for the following obvious reasons. When a person is knowledgeable and skilled in a work, even though not to the highest level, he can perform the task in case of emergency. He will not have to completely depend and wait for an expert and skilled person to do the job, during situation of crisis. For instance, although I am not very skilled in cooking, I have tried and learnt the basic skills of cooking at home, when my mother is not well or when she needs help. Having skills of various kind gives one a sense of confidence and independence. In addition by learning the skills of different fields during early years of childhood, one is better able to decide which sphere of work suits and interests him the most. It can thus help one to choose a career in that field. But sometimes, the people who try to assimilate skills and techniques in an unplanned manner end up messing their lives and are not able to develop confidence in any of the skill. They are not clear in their ideas as what they want to learn and how to go about it. It thus becomes necessary to develop skills which are not just restricted to one field of work. Instead skills should be interdisciplinary like our studies. Then only our overall personal development will be enhanced.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
are an essential requirement along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in making a task successful. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to perform a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are acquired
by any individual over a course of time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that it is better to be a master in one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
rather
than focussing on knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of varied kind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are inherent in an individual; one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
needs to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
it and polish them with to gain expertise. Others say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
entirely
acquired through
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
.

Based on my personal experience, I would support the fact that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
works. I would substantiate this fact for the following obvious reasons. When a person is knowledgeable and skilled in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
even though
not to the highest level, he can perform the task in case of emergency. He will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
completely
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
and wait for an expert and skilled person to do the job, during situation of crisis.
For instance
, although I am not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
skilled in cooking, I have tried and
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of cooking at home, when my mother is not well or when she needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of various kind gives one a sense of confidence and independence. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
by learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields during early years of childhood, one is better able to decide which sphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
suits and interests him the most. It can
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one to choose a career in that field.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who try to assimilate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and techniques
Consider replacing "in an unplanned manner" with the adverb for "unplanned"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unplanned manner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up messing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and are not able to develop confidence in any of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. They are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as what they want to learn and how to go about it.

It
thus
becomes necessary to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
restricted to one field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should be interdisciplinary like our studies. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our
overall
personal development will
be enhanced
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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