Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

33. People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v.1

33. People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v. 1
In a world where globalization had made it easy for people to share their opinions freely, the question remains whether friends should surround themselves with more people who hold the same views or not? While some argue that a circle of mutual beliefs is better for connecting friends, I tend to agree with those who think that exposing ourselves to other opinions is the core of being best friends and humans. On the one hand, the world has a plethora of issues, and it might cause some conflicts between friends who hold a different opinion. That is why some choose a familiar group of people with mutual beliefs to feel support and belongings. Facebook groups are a prime example of this. These groups gather people who have a similar opinion on a certain issue, so they freely share and open their minds without the fear of being alienated. Thus, it is understood why some surround themselves with friends who hold a similar opinion. On the other hand, no one can prevent himself from being exposed to other people's beliefs, and people who friend others with different views believe that a more rational decision would be reached due to this exposure. This is because even if friends think similarly towards a certain problem, it is impossible to have a complete match in other issues in life. For that reason, friendship should be based on similar characteristics, not similar opinions. In conclusion, while some tend to friend people with similar opinions, so they do not feel alienated, I believe that friendship should go beyond opinions, and friends should expose themselves to different views in order to shape a better view and reach a better decision about a certain subject.
In a world where globalization had made it easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
freely
, the question remains whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
should surround themselves with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hold the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
or not? While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that a circle of mutual beliefs is better for connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that exposing ourselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
is the core of
A determiner is probably missing here: "being the best".
being best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and humans.

On the one hand, the world has a plethora of issues, and it might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conflicts between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hold a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose a familiar group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with mutual beliefs to feel support and belongings.
The genitive is possibly missing.
Facebook groups
are a prime example of this. These groups gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
on a certain issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
freely
share and open their minds without the fear of
being alienated
.
Thus
, it
is understood
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
surround themselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hold a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
opinion.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
himself from
being exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's beliefs, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
others with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
believe that a more rational decision would
be reached
due to this exposure. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
similarly
towards a certain problem, it is impossible to have a complete match in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues in life. For that reason, friendship should
be based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
characteristics, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
opinions.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not feel alienated, I believe that friendship should go beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
should expose themselves to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
in order to shape a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
and reach a better decision about a certain subject.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 33. People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts