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Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. v. 1
The issue of whether to spend one’s hard earned wages on attending expensive football, rugby or baseball matches or other exclusive diversions as opposed using it more wisely and prudently has become a matter of concern for many. Critics argue that such frivolity is a misuse of precious fund, however, I personally believe the opposite. This essay will discuss why the benefits of attending sports or cultural occasions are worth more than the actual ticket price by using examples taken from the Harvard Business Review and the Woodstock Festival. On the one hand, those festival goers and sports fans who attend concerts, gigs, matches or athletic competitions happily extol the virtues of these on their overall well-being, both physical and mental. The main reason for this is twofold, firstly by watching, participating and enjoying a game people’s overactive stress level can be radically reduced. Secondly, many such important and well-respected events have become a noteworthy opportunity for socializing or networking. For example, a recent article published by the Harvard Business Review showed that key, ambitious top executives in the 500 Fortune companies had invested in tickets for basketball games not only for themselves, but for their clients aiming to seek distraction and amusement while entertaining and nurturing future business contacts. Therefore, although it could be suggested that the high price of ticket sales has been exacerbated by powerful corporate or event organizers with sky high budgets, there is no doubt of the positive spin- offs in health and business. On the other hand, if money is no object, then there is overwhelming evidence that going to festivals, attending concerts or investing in experiences is a growing trend which is appreciated because of its ability to build fond and durable memories which last a lifetime and become part of a family’s history. An example of this was the mythical Woodstock music festival in 1969, which was a peaceful milestone witnessed by thousands of people who have afforded it legendary status. Thus, the emotional value of such events cannot be overstated. To conclude from the aforementioned arguments, I firmly believe that despite the frequent prohibitively high prices of attending sports and cultural events, doing so can be enormously positive and justifiable for the benefits it brings to those who are there. From the significant growth in richly diverse Festivals worldwide, it could be predicted that in the future this kind of events will continue to grow in popularity as people elect to spend their earnings on experiences rather than in material goods.
The issue of whether to spend one’s
hard earned
wages on attending expensive football, rugby or baseball matches or other exclusive diversions as opposed using it more
wisely
and
prudently
has become a matter of concern for
many
. Critics argue that such frivolity is a misuse of precious fund,
however
, I
personally
believe the opposite. This essay will discuss why the benefits of attending sports or cultural occasions are worth more than the actual ticket price by using examples taken from the Harvard Business Review and the Woodstock Festival.

On the one hand, those
festival
goers and sports fans who attend concerts, gigs, matches or athletic competitions
happily
extol the virtues of these on their
overall
well-being, both physical and mental. The main reason for this is twofold,
firstly
by watching, participating and enjoying a game
people
’s overactive
stress
level can be
radically
reduced
.
Secondly
,
many
such
important
and well-respected
events
have become a noteworthy opportunity for socializing or networking.
For example
, a recent article published by the Harvard Business Review
showed
that key, ambitious top executives in the 500 Fortune
companies
had invested in tickets for basketball games not
only
for themselves,
but
for their clients aiming to seek distraction and amusement while entertaining and nurturing future business contacts.
Therefore
, although it could
be suggested
that the high price of ticket sales has
been exacerbated
by powerful corporate or
event
organizers with
sky high
budgets, there is no doubt of the
positive
spin- offs in health and business.

On the other hand
, if money is no object, then there is overwhelming evidence that going to
festivals
, attending concerts or investing in experiences is a growing trend which
is appreciated
because
of its ability to build fond and durable memories which last a lifetime and become part of a family’s history. An example of this was the mythical Woodstock music
festival
in 1969, which was a peaceful milestone witnessed by thousands of
people
who have afforded it legendary status.
Thus
, the emotional value of such
events
cannot
be overstated
.

To conclude
from the aforementioned arguments, I
firmly
believe that despite the frequent
prohibitively
high prices of attending sports and cultural
events
, doing
so
can be
enormously
positive
and justifiable for the benefits it brings to those who are there. From the significant growth in
richly
diverse
Festivals
worldwide, it could
be predicted
that in the future this kind of
events
will continue to grow in popularity as
people
elect to spend their earnings on experiences
rather
than in material
goods
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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