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People who develop different skills are more successful than people who develop one skill only. v.2

People who develop different skills are more successful than people who develop one skill only. v. 2
At the turn of the new century, with the development of human' s modern society, people more and more tend to increase the level of their literacy. Actually, no one can turn a blind eye to the profound effects of being knowledgeable and being skillful in a person' s future. A simple recognition of this argument lends our discussion to the questions of whether people expand their knowledge in one field or more than one field. Although some people adhere to this belief that having different skills lead to extraordinary future, in my vantage point, they should raise their skills in only one field since they can find decent job, and also strengthen their efficiency. The first aspect to point out is that what provokes people to concentrate on just one skill is finding a proper occupation in future. It is absolutely undeniable that at 20th and 21st centuries with the improvement of technology and galloping rate of science, jobs are being specialized and sophisticated so much so that everyone in charge of a particular job should enjoy a great amount of experiences in one field. That is why employees need to focus on just field. To illustrate more, take a case of a computer engineer who improves his skills in programming for instance. It is axiomatic that he can solve every problems in an incredibly ingenious way. Hence, every reputed companies try to stimulate him in order to hire him in its company by offering high salary. The further subtle point is that increasing a person' s productivity can be considered another advantage of focusing on one field. As a matter of fact, technology nowadays drastically improved so nobody can enrich his knowledge in varied fields. Without a shadow of doubt, if a person just improve his skills in one field, not only can he enrich his skills efficiently, but also he can broaden his horizon. On the other hand, a person who tries to enhance his skills in varied subjects will overwhelmed by stress and he surely cannot handle all materials effectively. On the whole, according to the above-mentioned details and points, it is crystal-clear that improving skills in just one skill can be highly beneficial because people can find a proper job, and also improve their productivity. It is high time we stopped overlooking the fact that a person by having various skills in different fields can make headway in his life. Have you ever seen a person who find a decent job without having deep knowledge in one field? Can you considered a successful person without having deep knowledge? I absolutely believe no!
At the turn of the new century, with the development of
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more and more tend to increase the level of their literacy. Actually, no one can turn a blind eye to the profound effects of being knowledgeable and being skillful in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s future. A simple recognition of this argument lends our discussion to the questions of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
or more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adhere to this belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
lead to extraordinary future, in my vantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
, they should raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
since they can find decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and
also
strengthen their efficiency.

The
first
aspect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
out is that what provokes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is finding a proper occupation
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. It is
absolutely
undeniable that at 20th and 21st centuries with the improvement of technology and galloping rate of science,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
being specialized
and sophisticated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone in charge of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should enjoy a great amount of experiences in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
That is
why employees need to focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. To illustrate more, take a case of a computer engineer who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in programming
for instance
. It is axiomatic that he can solve every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "problem"?
problems
in an
incredibly
ingenious way.
Hence
, every reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
try to stimulate him in order to hire him in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
by offering high salary.

The
further
subtle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is that increasing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s productivity can
be considered
another advantage of focusing on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. As a matter of fact, technology nowadays
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
nobody can enrich his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. Without a shadow of doubt, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can he enrich his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
efficiently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he can broaden his horizon.
On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who tries to enhance his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in varied subjects will overwhelmed by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stress and
he
surely
cannot handle all materials
effectively
.

On the whole
, according to the above-mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
, it is crystal-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
can be
highly
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their productivity. It is high time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
overlooking the fact that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
headway in his life. Have you ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who find a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
? Can you considered a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
? I
absolutely
believe no!
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay People who develop different skills are more successful than people who develop one skill only. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
437 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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