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People who develop different skills are more successful than people who develop one skill only. v.1

People who develop different skills are more successful than people who develop one skill only. v. 1
These days, modern people are keen to emigrate to the industrial cities in order to get a job or study, especially, rural dwellers are willing to move to the Megapolis. The reasons for these movements is varied. While some youngsters migrate to the big cities for educational purposes, other people aimed to get a well-paid job. However, in many cases, job hunters from the villages cannot find an employment. In this reason, some people believe that staying at home is a better solution. On the one hand, it is true that the life in the urban areas may offer many opportunities for the immigrants. They can challenge their abilities and capacities. Furthermore, moving to the other places where people can accomplish their purposes is beneficial for the dedicated individuals. To illustrate, many talented scientists and researchers resettled in the USA after the World War II. As a result, they managed to gain popularity and respect, and that is why some individuals prefer to change their dwelling places in the urban life. On the other hand, migrating to the towns also have some certain disadvantages too, The huge living expenses, lack of money and accomodation can create many problems for the new population. Moreover, living away from the parents and friends can lead to the stress and homesickness. For instance, these feelings are very common for the students. In addition to this, leaving home for study or work purposes can be very exhausting processed, as people spend their time for hard learning process or working with strangers. In conclusion, although many peoples are keen to leave rural areas, and move to the industrial cities, these trends can be exhausting. However, personally, I believe that towns offer many opportunities than villages. In this regard, it is a reasonable way to move to the cities.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to emigrate to the industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job or study,
especially
, rural dwellers are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the Megapolis. The reasons for these movements
is varied
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters migrate to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for educational purposes, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aimed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well-paid job.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, job hunters from the villages cannot find an employment. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that staying at home is a better solution.

On the one hand, it is true that the life in the urban areas may offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for the immigrants. They can challenge their abilities and capacities.
Furthermore
, moving to the other places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can accomplish their purposes is beneficial for the dedicated individuals. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talented scientists and researchers resettled in the USA after the World War II.
As a result
, they managed to gain popularity and respect, and
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their dwelling places in the urban life.

On the other hand
, migrating to the towns
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain disadvantages too, The huge living expenses, lack of money and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for the new population.
Moreover
, living away from the parents and friends can lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and homesickness.
For instance
, these feelings are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common for the students.
In addition
to this, leaving home for study or work purposes can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exhausting processed, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their time for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
learning process or working with strangers.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
rural areas, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, these trends can be exhausting.
However
,
personally
, I believe that towns offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities than villages. In this regard, it is a reasonable way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People who develop different skills are more successful than people who develop one skill only. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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