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People try new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing. Should such sports be banned? v.1

People try new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing. Should such sports be banned? v. 1
Nowadays an ever-increasing number of women work full time, and in this reality it is widely believed that house chores should be shared between men and women equally. I strongly agree with this statement. One of the reasons for sharing housework between males and females is to promote gender equality. A stereotype that has existed a long time is that females ought to stay home, taking care of the family once they got married. This includes looking after the children and doing all of the housework, which is fairly labour-intensive. However, this approach could have quite a few disadvantages. It would render women less able of keeping abreast of what is happening in the job market, thus forming a lifestyle where they might find it arduous to step into the society again. To avoid this, many women are willing to get back into the workforce soon after their maternity leave, and once they do, it makes sense that their husbands should share part of the household chores, to fulfill their family responsibilities. Nevertheless, we cannot be oblivious of several drawbacks of this trend. One potential downside is that men are less experienced in dealing with household tasks. This is because many seldom take an active role in doing housework, according to customs of many countries. As a result, they may end up doing household tasks in a less than perfect way, which could contribute to some unnecessary quarrels between partners, hindering their family bond. However, the likelihood of this happening isn’t very high, because wives can offer some tips or guidance to their husbands when they learn how to share house chores such as mopping floors or doing laundry. To sum up, although some conflicts might be triggered when equally sharing the duties of household tasks, the benefits of this trend are relatively oblivious.
Nowadays an ever-increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
work full time, and in this reality it is
widely
believed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores should
be shared
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
equally
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

One of the reasons for sharing housework between males and females is to promote gender equality. A stereotype that has existed a long time is that females ought to stay home, taking care of the family once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married. This includes looking after the children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
Consider using "all the".
all of the
housework, which is
fairly
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-intensive
.
However
, this approach could have quite a few disadvantages. It would render
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
less able of keeping abreast of what is happening in the job market,
thus
forming a lifestyle where they might find it arduous to step into the society again. To avoid this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back into the workforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after their maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, and once they do, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense that their husbands should share part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores, to fulfill their family responsibilities.

Nevertheless
, we cannot be oblivious of several drawbacks of this trend. One potential downside is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are less experienced in dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
tasks. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seldom take an active role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
housework, according to customs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
As a result
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
tasks in a less than perfect way, which could contribute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unnecessary quarrels between partners, hindering their family bond.
However
, the likelihood of this happening isn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
wives can offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tips or guidance to their husbands when they learn how to share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores such as mopping floors or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
laundry.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conflicts might
be triggered
when
equally
sharing the duties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
tasks, the benefits of this trend are
relatively
oblivious.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People try new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing. Should such sports be banned? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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