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335 describe a festival that is important in your country. you should say: when the festival occurswhat you did during itwhat you like or dislike about itand explain why this festival is important. v.1

335 describe a festival that is important in your country. you should say: when the festival occurswhat you did during itwhat you like or dislike about itand explain why this festival is important. v. 1
The paradigm shift is growing rapidly, and it influences the relationship with family members. People have lived in different styles since technology and changing the perception of various things has given innovative methods in leading their lifestyle. Although leading life in a modern way has several advantages, the disadvantages are more than merits. To begin with, changes in lifestyle bring several benefits to people. In the past, people used to maintain their health sitting at home with taking care of their family, but now family members along with, friends go to the healthcare centre to make them healthy. As a result, interaction with near and dear ones helps to build a strong bond between people, which, invariably, attract them mentally and emotionally. Moreover, the tendency of moving forward with technology succours individual to communicate with the kith and kin. To illustrate, devices such as smartphones, computers, laptops- provide the easiest way to connect with friends and relatives, especially those who are living far away. In contrast, the demerits of changing lifestyles are observed in the modern era. The first visualization is that people are busy surfing their favourite websites so that they do not care to spend time with their family members. Another reason is that people have become obsessed with Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, et Cetra, consequently, do not bother to converse with others, even though in front of them some of the family members are spending leisure time. This attitude not only creates vulnerability in relationships, but it also forges misunderstanding among family members. In conclusion, people prefer to embrace the paradigm shift in most of the area. Of course, it has both a negative and positive impact on the life of people. However, the menace of changing lifestyle outweighs its benefits.
The paradigm shift is growing
rapidly
, and it influences the relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
styles since technology and changing the perception of various things has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
innovative methods in leading their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Although leading life in a modern way has several advantages, the disadvantages are more than merits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
bring several benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to maintain their health sitting at home with taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
along with, friends go to the healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthy.
As a result
, interaction with near and dear ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build a strong bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which,
invariably
, attract them mentally and
emotionally
.
Moreover
, the tendency of moving forward with technology
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
individual to communicate with the kith and kin. To illustrate, devices such as smartphones, computers, laptops- provide the easiest way to connect with friends and relatives,
especially
those who are living far away.

In contrast
, the demerits of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
are observed
in the modern era. The
first
visualization is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy surfing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
websites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not care to spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become obsessed with Facebook, YouTube, Twitter,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
,
consequently
, do not bother to converse with others,
even though
in front of them
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are spending leisure time. This attitude not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creates vulnerability in relationships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
forges misunderstanding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to embrace the paradigm shift in most of the area.
Of course
, it has both a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, the menace of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
outweighs its benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay 335 describe a festival that is important in your country. you should say: when the festival occurswhat you did during itwhat you like or dislike about itand explain why this festival is important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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