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960 describe a song or a piece of music you likeyou should saywhat the song or music iswhat kind of song or music it iswhere you first heard itand explain why you like it. v.1

960 describe a song or a piece of music you likeyou should saywhat the song or music iswhat kind of song or music it iswhere you first heard itand explain why you like it. v. 1
Just like the saying "Health is wealth", a healthy lifestyle is the main objective of any family, as they can earn anything else in the world, if their health is good. I strongly agree that a considerable amount of public money should be spent on preventing the diseases rather than spending on the treatment of ill people. Firstly, there should be an immediate attention given to the ones who are sick and casualties should be addressed at the right moment. So, there is nothing wrong in spending a good amount of money for the terminal diseases such as, malaria, tuberculosis, cancer, HIV etc. On the other hand, we should also make sure that we promote the awareness of the cause of these diseases. For example, people should make sure that they clean up all the stagnant water and unnecessary garbage in the backyard to prevent the reproduction of mosquitoes, people must be aware of the health issues caused by smoking and drinking, they should know the usage of condoms and also about the other prevention measures that can be used while intercourse etc. These will educate the people more about the cause of the diseases and eventually they will start applying the suggested practices in their daily life, which will definitely reduce the number of people falling ill. Secondly, if we always create awareness that there are medicines available for a disease, people will start thinking that this is quite common and curable. These kind of campaigns should also include the root cause of the disease, how to prevent, and what steps need to be taken to make sure that it won't spread to other people. Moreover, government can encourage people to use bicycles instead of using cars or motorcycles, or to walk. Also, physical education classes should be increased in the schools, where children would grow with an ideology of leading a healthy and active lifestyle. Hence, I would like to say, promoting a healthy lifestyle may look like we are giving more priority to something unwanted than funding the medical expenses of people who are already ill. But, in a long term we can see a gradual growth in the immunity and awareness of people that will result in very less number of people falling sick. Always, prevention is better than cure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like the saying
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Health is wealth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, a healthy lifestyle is the main objective of any family, as they can earn anything else in the world, if their health is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a considerable amount of public money should
be spent
on preventing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
rather
than spending on the treatment of ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, there should be an immediate attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the ones who are sick and casualties should
be addressed
at the right moment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in spending a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money for the terminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as, malaria, tuberculosis, cancer, HIV etc.
On the other hand
, we should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that we promote the awareness of the cause of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they clean up all the stagnant water and unnecessary garbage in the backyard to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the reproduction of mosquitoes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of the health issues caused by smoking and drinking, they should know the usage of condoms and
also
about the other prevention measures that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
while intercourse etc. These will educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more about the cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
eventually
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
applying the suggested practices in their daily life, which will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
falling ill.

Secondly
, if we always create awareness that there are medicines available for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking that this is quite common and curable.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of campaigns should
also
include the root cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
, and what steps need to
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that it won't spread to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles
instead
of using cars or motorcycles, or to walk.
Also
, physical education classes should
be increased
in the schools, where children would grow with an ideology of leading a healthy and active lifestyle.

Hence
, I would like to say, promoting a healthy lifestyle may look like we are giving more priority to something unwanted than funding the medical expenses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are already ill.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in a long term we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a gradual growth in the immunity and awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that will result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
falling sick.
The adverb 'Always' is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Always
, prevention is better than cure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay 960 describe a song or a piece of music you likeyou should saywhat the song or music iswhat kind of song or music it iswhere you first heard itand explain why you like it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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