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It is generally discussed among the public that extreme sports such as sky diving and rock-climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is generally discussed among the public that extreme sports such as sky diving and rock-climbing should be banned. v. 1
Nowadays, there are millions of sports for people to enjoy. However, some of sports may be fatal to health due to the risk involves with the sports and usually those are engaging in extreme sports. Some people claim that those extreme sports should be banned because of the risk of people’s lives. While I understand the risk involves within the extreme sports may lead to fatal injuries and even threaten people’s lives, the choice of playing sports should be remaining on people’s hands. As society develops, people have sought more and distinctive types of entertainment especially in sports. As a result of this, there is several types of sports can be enjoyed despite some of them may be dangerous to play in nature. Therefore, it appears that those sports might require some supervision. Those extreme sports may lead to fatal injuries and that could result in loss of life. Due to this nature of sports, these sports should be restricted. In this modern era, people are enjoying from being freedom. From this, people are even created of dangerous sports and that lead many people into death. According to American weekly journal, most of young people are dream to be the extreme sport players such as F1 players due to the wealth salaries and reputation which shadowed of its dark side of risks and fatal injuries. It also presents, the second highest death in the US in 1990 was extreme sports which was 0. 5% lesser than the car accident’s ratios. From this example, we can conclude that extreme sports are deadliness and fatality in its nature. Therefore, it is reasonable to prevent people’s lives from participating in suicidal actions. In contrast, extreme sports are the mere choice from people. Even though those extreme sports are dangerous and can cost someone’s lives, sportsmen have chosen those paths. In other words, all those extreme sports players are aware of consequences and acknowledge of their risks before even begin their career path in those types of sports. Thus, by banning those rights can be considered as restricting people’s careers. For example, F1 players or sky divers are well known of their circumstances because they are always heard of the risks and consequences before playing the sports. If people are taken the career paths as an extreme sport player, then it is their choice they made as an adult. Therefore, these decisions should be respected and confirmed instead of restricting and limiting the choices due to the risky consequences. In conclusion, despite the diversity sport types, extreme sports can be fatal to human as it can cost someone’s lives. However, it is not reasonable to prevent those sports from playing because of risky consequences. The reason for this is, the players of extreme sports are chosen to play those sports as a career path and they are passionate about their jobs. Therefore, restricting those sports from playing can mean that it is restricting people’s positions.
Nowadays, there are millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatal
to health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
involves with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
usually
those are engaging in
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extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. While I understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
involves within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatal
injuries and even threaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be remaining on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
hands.

As society develops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have sought more and distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of entertainment
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
As a result
of this, there is several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
be enjoyed
despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to play in nature.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it appears that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
might require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supervision.

Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatal
injuries and that could result in loss of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be restricted
. In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoying from being freedom. From this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even created of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and that lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into death. According to American weekly journal, most of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dream to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
such as F1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the wealth salaries and reputation which shadowed of its dark side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatal
injuries. It
also
presents, the second highest death in the US in 1990 was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which was 0. 5% lesser than the car accident’s ratios. From this example, we can conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are deadliness and fatality in its nature.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
from participating in suicidal actions.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the mere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Even though
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and can cost someone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, sportsmen have chosen those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paths
.
In other words
, all those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are aware of consequences and acknowledge of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Thus
, by banning those rights can
be considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
For example
, F1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
or sky divers are well known of their circumstances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always heard of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taken
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paths
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
, then it is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
they made as an adult.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, these decisions should
be respected
and confirmed
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restricting
and limiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the risky consequences.

In conclusion
, despite the diversity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatal
to human as it can cost someone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
However
, it is not reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of risky consequences.
The reason for this is
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are chosen
to play those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
path and
they are passionate about their jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restricting
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
can mean that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
positions.
25Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
111Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is generally discussed among the public that extreme sports such as sky diving and rock-climbing should be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
491 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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