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People today spent too much time on personal enjoyement-doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v.2

People today spent too much time on personal enjoyement-doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v. 2
I don' t think people today spent too much time on personal enjoyement, people today are much busier than people in previous generations. Most of the people nowadays goes to job or owns a business and works for atleast 35 hours a week. While for some people working hours can be much more. People work atleast 7 hours a day and besides that they are miscellaneous works like cooking food, doing laundry, cleaning house etc. Present generation is much more productive than earlier generations. So, people has very less time left for personal enjoyment. While, most people may spent about 20 hours for personal enjoyement, but that time is crucial to relax and rejunevate after working for so long. It was found in one of the studies that if people spent efficient time doing things they like, they are much more productive than when they do not do that. It was also noted that if person works for more than a threshold time, threshold time can be different for different people, he may suffer from health problems or depression. Little time for enjoyement is neccessary for peron' s wellbeing. Working efficiently is much more important than working more. For example many countries in Europe had made 4 days working week, for 8 hours per day and the results are good. People can spent more time on personal enjoyement doing things which they life that keep them more happy and satisfied. It was founded in study that if a person, more happy and satisfied a person more he is able to work. While some time for personal health should be used. Some people have hobbies like watching tv, or movies all day, this type of personal enjoyement do more harm than good. People should indulge in excercising or new hobbies that will help to mantain they mind or soul, that type of personal enjoyemnt should be there. So people today are much more
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyement
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
busier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in previous generations.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays goes to job or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a business and works for
Possible spelling mistake found.
atleast
35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
atleast
7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day and
besides
that they are miscellaneous works like cooking food, doing laundry, cleaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
etc. Present generation is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more productive than earlier generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
enjoyment.

While, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
about 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyement
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is crucial to relax and
Possible spelling mistake found.
rejunevate
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long. It
was found
in one of the studies that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing things they like, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more productive than when they do not do that. It was
also
noted that if person works for more than a threshold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, threshold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, he may suffer from health problems or depression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyement
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccessary
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
peron&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.

Working
efficiently
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more.
For example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in Europe had made 4 days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
week, for 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day and the results are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyement
doing things which
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they life
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them more happy and satisfied. It
was founded
in study that if a person, more happy and satisfied a person more he is able to work.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
health should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have hobbies like watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, or movies all day, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyement
do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should indulge in
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercising
or new hobbies that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
mantain
they mind or soul, that type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyemnt
should be there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
more
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay People today spent too much time on personal enjoyement-doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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