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People today spent too much time on personal enjoyement-doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v.1

People today spent too much time on personal enjoyement-doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v. 1
Nowadays, with huge demand on the unclean power, the world start facing a great challenge that is impacting the human lives. One of the major problems that threaten them is the increasing level of the sea, which is rising at a high rate. This essay will discuss the problems and the solutions of the sea levels increasing issue and provide a conclusion. To begin with, there are several problems associated with increasing sea levels. Firstly, with increased sea levels many people will be displaced and they will have to leave their homes. Accordingly, this will put their lives and their business in a definite danger, and it will be very difficult to stand up again and lose everything. For example, based on a recent study conducted by a well-established entity, the sea levels are increasing by 0. 5 CM every year. Secondly, there is a big impact on the agriculture and the crops will eventually be damaged. Due to this, the amount of food will not be sufficient with a direct touch to local and global food available to feed the people. Furthermore, to tackle these problems the governments should implement multiple measurements. To start with, the government should start building block barriers to prevent the flooded water from reaching inhabited villages and cities that are threatened by increasing sea levels. As a result, people living in these areas will not be impacted and the risk of floods will be mitigated. For instance, some countries have built and installed rock blocks to prevent water from reaching the cities. In addition, the government should start awareness programs to educate farmers about the best farming methodologies and the types of plants that can survive in such cases. Based on this, the farmers will change the farming methods and use a suitable plant. To sum up, there is no doubt that sea levels will but people live in a danger, such as displacement or impacting the agriculture. However; I profoundly believe any government can solve these problems by implementing the measurements mentioned in this essay and reduce the risk in a timely manner.
Nowadays, with huge demand on the unclean power, the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
facing a great challenge
that is
impacting the human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that threaten them is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
, which is rising at a high rate. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and the solutions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
issue and provide a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
Firstly
, with increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
displaced and
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes.
Accordingly
, this will put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and their business in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, and it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to stand up again and lose everything.
For example
, based on a recent study conducted by a well-established entity, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
by 0. 5 CM every year.
Secondly
, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impact on the agriculture and the crops will
eventually
be damaged
. Due to this, the amount of food will not be sufficient with a direct touch to local and global food available to feed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should implement multiple measurements. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
building block barriers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the flooded water from reaching inhabited villages and cities that
are threatened
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in these areas will not
be impacted
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of floods will
be mitigated
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have built and installed rock blocks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
water from reaching the cities.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
awareness programs to educate farmers about the best farming methodologies and the types of plants that can survive in such cases. Based on this, the farmers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the farming methods and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a suitable plant.

To sum up, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, such as displacement or impacting the agriculture.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
; I
profoundly
believe any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by implementing the measurements mentioned in this essay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in a timely manner.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People today spent too much time on personal enjoyement-doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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