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Some scientists believe that studying the behaviour of 3-year-old children can tell which children would grow up to be criminals. To what extent in your opinion is crime a product of human nature or is it possible to stop children from growing up to be cri v.2

Some scientists believe that studying the behaviour of 3-year-old children can tell which children would grow up to be criminals. 2
Some scientists are of the opinion that hereditary characteristics are responsible for the person’s temperament and hence future career. I disagree with this notion. I believe that genes do play a role but the primary determinant is nurture – education and bringing up. It is definitely possible to mould a child into any direction by proper bringing-up. If we adopt the mindset that if parents are criminals so will the children be then we are limiting or even damaging the individual’s basic right to achieve his very best. Children can rise above the gene pool and rise to great heights. Even if a child is born to criminal parents but brought up away from that environment and provided quality education, he will not be a criminal. The debate on nature versus nurture has been raging for ages and no clear cut answer has come forward. A child prodigy can be born to ordinary parents and many intelligent parents can have ordinary children. A talented person can go unnoticed in the absence of right environment and upbringing and an ordinary person can reach great heights with proper training. So, interplay between hereditary and environmental factors must be there. It has been seen that children born to intelligent parents also are intelligent and successful. But it is also possible that such parents provide an environment which nurtures the development of their children. When we see some programmes such as ‘India’s Got Talent’ and ‘Little Champs’, we notice some extremely gifted children who are born with talent and also some who have achieved great heights with great perseverance and proper coaching. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that both nature and nurture play a part in determining the character of a person. It can also be concluded that both are inextricably linked with each other. But nurture weighs over nature and it is definitely possible to prevent children from growing up to be criminals.
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Some
scientists are of the opinion that hereditary characteristics are responsible for the

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person
’s temperament and
hence
future career. I disagree with this notion. I believe
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
genes
do play a role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the primary determinant is nurture
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
education and bringing up. It

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is
definitely possible to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
a child into any direction by proper bringing-up.

If we adopt the mindset that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be then we are

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limiting
or even damaging the individual’s basic right to achieve his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
best.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
can


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rise
above the gene pool and rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
heights.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
a child
is born
to criminal
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parents


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but
brought up away from that environment and provided quality education, he will not be

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a
criminal.

The debate on nature versus nurture has been raging for ages and no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
answer has

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come
forward. A child prodigy can
be born
to ordinary
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parents
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intelligent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
parents


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can
have ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A talented person can go unnoticed in the absence of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
right


environment and upbringing and an ordinary person can reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
heights with proper

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
training
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, interplay between hereditary and environmental factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be there.

It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
born to intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
are intelligent and successful.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
also
possible that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide an environment which nurtures the

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development
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
such as ‘India’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Got
Talent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
’


and ‘
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
Champs’, we notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extremely
gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are born
with talent and

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who have achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
heights with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
perseverance and proper coaching.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that both nature and nurture play a part in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
determining
the character of a person. It can
also
be concluded
that both are
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
inextricably


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linked
with each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nurture weighs over nature and it is definitely possible
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from growing up to be criminals.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Mistakes

IELTS essay Some scientists believe that studying the behaviour of 3-year-old children can tell which children would grow up to be criminals. 2

Essay
  American English
23 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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