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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.23

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 23
Learning is an important thing to gain some knowledges, and it can be accessed through many methods, such as online-learning, ordinary class, and especially study abroad. Recently, there has been an upward trend for students, who are taking the overseas opportunities. This tendency may lead to some benefits for the students and the involving countries. Study abroad, which is allowing the students to study across the countries, may need some requirements, and it needs more efforts. Therefore, by joining this program, students may learn a soft skill. For instance, passing the IELTS test is mandatory for the pupils, who join the exchange program. Furthermore, they must prepare for the IELTS test, which needs extra energy and time. Thus, they learn how to manage their time between academic businesses and IELTS preparation. Also, learning in foreign country will make them having international friends, which may help them to learn its culture and habits. Moreover, they will have a new experience. In addition, having foreign students in a country, it will increase the visa incomes in the involving country. On the other hand, study abroad may bring several disadvantages. Since each country has a different culture, it may shock the student when learning in a new place. This condition may lead to uncomfortable feelings, which can prohibit the student performances in the academic activities. Another drawback that might be happening is a promiscuity. This condition is the most common problem for the foreign students, which can harm themselves. Also, having the international students is not always good. This is supported by the fact that they are vulnerable to join a promiscuity, and it may lead to criminal actions. If there are many criminality actions caused by that group, unfortunately, it will burden the regional government. To summarize, study abroad may bring some new experiences and gain some knowledges. However, we need to be selective in choosing friends otherwise it can harm ourselves.
Learning is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
, and it can
be accessed
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
methods, such as online-learning, ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, and
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. Recently, there has been an upward trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who are taking the overseas opportunities. This tendency may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the involving countries.

Study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, which is allowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
requirements, and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
more efforts.
Therefore
, by joining this program,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may learn a soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
For instance
, passing the IELTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
is mandatory for the pupils, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the exchange program.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prepare for the IELTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
extra energy and time.
Thus
, they learn how to manage their time between academic businesses and IELTS preparation.
Also
, learning in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them having international friends, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn its culture and habits.
Moreover
, they will have a new experience.
In addition
, having foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it will increase the visa incomes in the involving country.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
may bring several disadvantages. Since each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture, it may shock the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
when learning in a new place. This condition may lead to uncomfortable feelings, which can prohibit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
performances in the academic activities. Another drawback that might be happening is a promiscuity. This condition is the most common problem for the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which can harm themselves.
Also
, having the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. This
is supported
by the fact that they are vulnerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a promiscuity, and it may lead to criminal actions. If there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminality actions caused by that group, unfortunately, it will burden the regional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new experiences and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
.
However
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be selective in choosing friends
otherwise
it can harm ourselves.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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