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People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v.1

People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v. 1
In recent years, placing senior citizens in assisted living facilities has risen in popularity over the alternative of taking care of them at home. This essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks of such an arrangement. To begin with the positive, the crucial advantage of sending the elderly to a retirement home is the financial improvement of the family. This is because all adult family members are being able to contribute to the household’s income by working. In contrast, the carers of older people usually depend on others financially due to their lack of time to work. Besides improving family income, the care home is a safe place for aged people. As they are surrounded by healthcare professionals and are carefully monitored with the presence of care givers, immediate assistances are available for them if there is an emergency condition. Nevertheless, placing the elderly in an assisted living facility does present some problems. For instance, some senior citizens are extremely cheerful and confident, but after living in a retirement home, they become depressed. Considering that staying away from loved ones is a lonely and painful experience, it is no wonder that even the happiest elderly sometimes suffers from emotional burdens. Another significant disadvantage of this arrangement is the price of the assisted living facility. Unlike the family home, the nursing home can sometimes be expensive, which costs a fortune to the family members; thus, they can have a financial problem for other essential matters. In conclusion, although bringing the senior citizens to the care homes are beneficial in terms of financially and improving safety, it is important to consider that they also harm some elderly’s mental health and are arguably not as cheap as staying at home.
In recent years, placing senior citizens in assisted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
facilities has risen in popularity over the alternative of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them at home. This essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks of such an arrangement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, the crucial advantage of sending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
to a retirement home is the financial improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are being able to contribute to the household’s income by working.
In contrast
, the carers of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
depend on others
financially
due to their lack of time to work.
Besides
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
income, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
home is a safe place for aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As they
are surrounded
by healthcare professionals and are
carefully
monitored with the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
givers, immediate
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
are available for them if there is an emergency condition.

Nevertheless
, placing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
in an assisted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
facility does present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
senior citizens are
extremely
cheerful and confident,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a retirement home, they become depressed. Considering that staying away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones is a lonely and painful experience, it is no wonder that even the happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
suffers from emotional burdens. Another significant disadvantage of this arrangement is the price of the assisted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
facility. Unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
home, the nursing home can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be expensive, which costs a fortune to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members;
thus
, they can have a financial problem for other essential matters.

In conclusion
, although bringing the senior citizens to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are beneficial in terms of
financially
and improving safety, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that they
also
harm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly’s
mental health and are
arguably
not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
as staying at home.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things like to do- rather than doing things they should do. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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