Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

people today spend too much on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. v.1

people today spend too much on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. v. 1
In today' s modern world, people are involved in their hectic life. Due to experience and personal characteristics, different people have different lifestyle. Nowadays, there is a heated controversy among experts and psychologists about whether people spend too much time doing their hobbies or they try to do tasks which are necessary. I, for one, subscribe to the idea that people spend too much time on their enjoyments for quite a few reasons, three conspicuous ones of which have been elaborated in the following paragraphs. To begin with, It is incontrovertibly axiomatic that technology has been facilitated our life in a way that people have more time and options to do. In fact, thanks to new technology and the development of the Internet, individuals are able to do their tasks from their home, for example, all of us can pay the bill on time instead of going to the bank. Indeed not only do the new technologies ease our life, it has granted us more time to spend, and by having more time, we can spend much of our time on our enjoyments. Additionally, the economic growth leads to more income and convenient life for human beings. Since the dawn of humanity, people were under perssure to make money and sometimes they had to do severe and time-consuming jobs. However, the economic growth in recent dacades has increased the annual income per person. As a result, people have more money to spend to have more fun namely, going vacations, attending in concerts, going to foreign contries, to name but a few. It stands to reason that the more money available the people enjoy, the more hobbies they would have. Eventually, people have become aware that they need to have fun in their life. A lot of books and articles have been published which emphasize the necessity of having joyful life for a healthier life. In fact, today, people live a machinery life in which people are under stress and pressure, and in order to release their tension, they should spend time to do their favorable activities. Indeed, these promotions stimulated by scientists have encourage people who do not take their healthy life for granted to spend much time on their joyful activities. To sum up, nowadays, people spend more time on their enjoyments rather than doing tasks that they should do on the grounds that new technologies have give people more time; economic growth brings about more money to spend; people become aware of importance of happy life.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Due to experience and personal characteristics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyle. Nowadays, there is a heated controversy among experts and psychologists about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hobbies or
they try
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
to do
tasks which are necessary. I, for one, subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their enjoyments for quite a few reasons, three conspicuous ones of which have
been elaborated
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It is
incontrovertibly
axiomatic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
been facilitated
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and options to do. In fact, thanks to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and the development of the Internet, individuals are able to do their tasks from their home,
for example
, all of us can pay the bill on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of going to the bank.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it has granted us more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
, and by having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on our enjoyments.

Additionally
, the economic growth leads to more income and convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for human beings. Since the dawn of humanity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were under
Possible spelling mistake found.
perssure
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they had to do severe and time-consuming jobs.
However
, the economic growth in recent
Possible spelling mistake found.
dacades
has increased the annual income per person.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
to have more fun
namely
, going vacations, attending in concerts, going to foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
contries
, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few. It stands to reason that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
available the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy, the more hobbies they would have.

Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become aware that they need to have fun in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
books and articles have
been published
which emphasize the necessity of having joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for a healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure, and in order to release their tension, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do their favorable activities.
Indeed
, these promotions stimulated by scientists have
Use past participle here: "encouraged".
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not take their healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for granted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their joyful activities.

To sum up, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their enjoyments
rather
than doing tasks that they should do on the grounds that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
; economic growth brings about more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become aware of importance of happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay people today spend too much on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
418 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts