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Parents make the best teachers. Do you agree with that statement? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer v.2

Parents make the best teachers. Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer v. 2
Depend on which country you are belonged to, there is different beliefs on whether parents are the best teachers. Born and living in an Asian country which holds strong value in family tradition, I strongly believe that parents are the best teacher. The two main reasons are availability and intention. First of all, parents are always available for their children. When we were children, we live in the same house with them and have them take care of us. They have always been right next to you when you need assistant. They show you how to speak your first words or how to deal with heartbreaks. Now think about other relationship you have in life, for example, teachers, friends, supervisors, has them been available. Even with adults, parents still just a phone call away and ready to listen, to share their life experience and offer advice when we need it. Moreover, children can always rely on parents as they know that parents only want good things for you. I still remember when there was a time when I had to make a crucial decision about my career. I seek advice from my mom, who knows me the best. While I succeeded in being a sales representative and prepare myself a strong financial background, I was not happy as the job had brought me too much pressure. I had always thinking about changing my career, but I was hesitating. While my supervisor was always needed me to stick around, my mom knows that this is time to move on to the next stage of my life, time to follow my dream, do what I want and build up a healthy lifestyle for myself. Not to always feel being tortured with pressure which was the nature of sales professional. The two reason I mentioned above was from my oriented background. However, in western countries and also with modern life, not all dynamics families will have the same practice. In some cases, parents are rarely around to take part in the child life due to their busy lives. This lead to openness to other relationship and social interaction. In these case, children can still learn from others and develop their life skills and knowledge in a variety of way, but without such good intention and present as parents do. Therefore, I conclude that parents are the best teacher for a child development.
Depend on which country you
are belonged
to, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
beliefs on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. Born and living in an Asian country which holds strong value in family tradition, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. The two main reasons are availability and intention.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are always available for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When we were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with them and have them take care of us. They have always been right
next
to you when you need assistant. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
you how to speak your
first
words or how to deal with heartbreaks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about other relationship you have in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, friends, supervisors, has them been available. Even with adults,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a phone call away and ready to listen, to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience and offer advice when we need it.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can always rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as they know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things for you. I
still
remember when there was a time when I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a crucial decision about my career. I seek advice from my mom, who knows me the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
. While I succeeded in being a sales representative and prepare myself a strong financial background, I was not happy as the job had brought me too much pressure. I had always thinking about changing my career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was hesitating. While my supervisor was always needed me to stick around, my mom knows that this is time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on to the
next
stage of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, time to follow my dream, do what I want and build up a healthy lifestyle for myself. Not to always feel
being tortured
with pressure which was the nature of sales professional.

The two reason I mentioned above was from my oriented background.
However
, in western countries and
also
with modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, not all dynamics families will have the same practice. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are rarely around to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
due to their busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This lead to openness to other relationship and social interaction. In these case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
still
learn from others and develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge in a variety of way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
intention and present as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do.
Therefore
, I conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
for a child development.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents make the best teachers. Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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