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Essay topics: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.16

Essay topics: Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 16
At the turn of the new century, with the development of humans and modern technology, more and more people tend to extend to explore new things around the world including famous entertainers because they become an important part of society. Although many would argue that the athletes and famous persons should to have privacy for them life, In my opinion, they must open them life to the society due to they are model for the young people. I would suggest two reasons based on my general facts in addition to my personal experiences to support the argument. The first aspect to point out is that many benefits quickly stem from famous entertainers. Admittedly, famous persons are a great teacher to build character. Specifically, young generation. I would like to mention noteworthy research conducted by CSR institute in India. The discoverd results suggest that Seventy-five Percent of the youth indulge themselves in following athletes programmes due to they are an effect on the young people in their life such as clothes, solve problems, and also how to speak and make a presentation front of people in public events. Furthermore, there has been a positive correlation between famous persons and being successful to effect of a young generation. Secondly, famous persons are the most important part of our lives as a youth. the efficiency of a society is measured by the degree and the quality of its following famous entertainers but in good activities to help young people in their life. I still affirm the same idea because there is no guarantee that the famous people are omnipresent in our daily life. My own experience is a compelling example of this. I remember when I was in university I followed many famous persons on television to aware and update my knowledge of fashion in this period, Furthermore, I watched it and went to buy this suit which him wears the famous person in T. V, because, Nowadays, I didn' t have any information on fashion or how to wears to cloths formal meetings for example. To draw a conclusion, taking what I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that the famous entertainers and athletes privacy has a close tie-in motivation and creativity for the young people to learn from him a lot of things because they are an important corner in the society.
At the turn of the new century, with the development of humans and modern technology, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to extend to explore new things around the world including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
would argue that the athletes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
should to have privacy for them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, In my opinion, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
open them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
due to they are model for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I would suggest two reasons based on my general facts
in addition
to my personal experiences to support the argument.

The
first
aspect to point out is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
quickly
stem from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are a great teacher to build character.
Specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. I would like to mention noteworthy research conducted by CSR institute in India. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
discoverd
results suggest that Seventy-five Percent of the youth indulge themselves in following athletes
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
due to they are an effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as clothes, solve problems, and
also
how to speak and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a presentation front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Furthermore
, there has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
correlation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
and being successful to effect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as a youth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
efficiency of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is measured
by the degree and the quality of its following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
still
affirm the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no guarantee that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are omnipresent in our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. I remember when I was in university I followed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
on television to aware and update my knowledge of fashion in this period,
Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
it and went to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this suit which him wears the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in T. V,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, Nowadays, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t have any information on fashion or how to wears to cloths formal meetings
for example
.

To draw a conclusion, taking what I have mentioned above, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and athletes privacy has a close tie-in motivation and creativity for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn from him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
corner in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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