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People today spend too much tie on personal enjoyment--doing things they like to do--rather than doing things they should do. v.1

People today spend too much tie on personal enjoyment--doing things they like to do--rather than doing things they should do. v. 1
The inclusion of various extra-curricular activities in the school curriculum has been a topic of discussion since time immemorial. One such topic is to teach kids how to grow and cook their own food. I am a strong advocate of this approach and this essay highlights my reasons for the same in more detail. To begin with, cooking is an essential skill that is beneficial to us throughout our life. Furthermore, research suggests that children’s minds are capable to grasp and learn things more efficiently during their formative years. Developing this practice early on, prepares them to take better care of themselves in their adult life. For example, if they move abroad to study or choose to live by themselves in the future, cooking is a talent that will always prove to be helpful for their own good. In addition to this, involving kids in practical knowledge instead of theory gives them a hands-on experience in the topic of study. Instead of teaching them names of fruits and vegetables in a classroom, they can be taught to plant seeds outdoors, so that they are more engaged in the entire process. This gives them a better understanding of the importance of our eco-system. In fact, studies have proven that kids that were involved in practical projects performed better than those who solely underwent a theoretical based approach. To conclude, children should be taught how to grow and cook some food for the very reason that it will help them gain better insights on nature and nutrition at the same time prepare them to add an additional accomplishment to their skillset.
The inclusion of various extra-curricular activities in the school curriculum has been a topic of discussion since time immemorial. One such topic is to teach kids how to grow and cook their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food. I am a strong advocate of this approach and this essay highlights my reasons for the same in more detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, cooking is an essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that is
beneficial to us throughout our life.
Furthermore
, research suggests that children’s minds are capable to grasp and learn things more
efficiently
during their formative years. Developing this practice early on, prepares them to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
care of themselves in their adult life.
For example
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
abroad to study or choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by themselves in the future, cooking is a talent that will always prove to be helpful for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

In addition
to this, involving kids in practical knowledge
instead
of theory gives them a hands-on experience in the topic of study.
Instead
of teaching them names of fruits and vegetables in a classroom, they can
be taught
to plant seeds outdoors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are more engaged in the entire process. This gives them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understanding of the importance of our
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-system
. In fact, studies have proven that kids that
were involved
in practical projects performed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than those who
solely
underwent a theoretical based approach.

To conclude
, children should
be taught
how to grow and cook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reason that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
insights on nature and nutrition at the same time prepare them to
This phrase might be redundant. Consider using "add an accomplishment".
add an additional accomplishment
to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
skillset
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People today spend too much tie on personal enjoyment--doing things they like to do--rather than doing things they should do. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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