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People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are go out what are the cause and solutions? v.1

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are go out what are the cause and solutions? v. 1
As the majority of people claim that the money, which is earned by us, must not be given to government a kind of duty, others are opposite with this approach. I firmly disagree with individuals should not pay taxes to the state. To begin with, the tax system has been going on in the world since the beginning of civilization. Countries and their institutions totally depend on money, which is called tax in the modern world, must be taken from people, who live there. To illustrate, a state might invest its military and buy various vehicles such as a fighter jet or cannon. None of them are possible without any tax. What is more, If people want to live in a peaceful, they should respect the country’s rules. On the other hand, other different, also, areas are particularly important such as health, education or transporting system. Because the government runs the basic places from the taxes it collects. As a result, states or governments do not keep up with development, if there is no tax assistance. However, many people may not be willing to pay taxes. This is because they blame to government like lack of poverty, employment or infrastructure. In addition, they believe a system that the richer person has to pay the more. Therefore, countries must solve this problem and put a solution forward to satisfy their fellow citizens. Otherwise, the chaos shows up itself. To sum up, there is no doubt that tax is a oxygen for states. The duty of every citizen supports the government, which uses it for public interest.
As the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the money, which
is earned
by us,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
a kind of duty, others are opposite with this approach. I
firmly
disagree with individuals should not pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the state.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
system has been going on in the world since the beginning of civilization. Countries and their institutions
totally
depend on money, which
is called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
in the modern world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there. To illustrate, a state might invest its military and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
various vehicles such as a fighter jet or cannon. None of them are possible without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
.
What is more
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a peaceful, they should respect the country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
On the other hand
, other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
also
, areas are
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
such as health, education or transporting system.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
runs the basic places from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
it collects.
As a result
, states or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with development, if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
assistance.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be willing to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they blame to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
like lack of poverty, employment or infrastructure.
In addition
, they believe a system that the richer person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay the more.
Therefore
, countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
solve this problem and put a solution forward to satisfy their fellow citizens.
Otherwise
, the chaos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
up itself.

To sum up, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
oxygen for states. The duty of every citizen supports the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
it for public interest.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are go out what are the cause and solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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