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Many people do not feel safe either at home or they are out. What are the causes, and what can be done to make people feel safer? v.2

Many people do not feel safe either at home or they are out. What are the causes, and what can be done to make people feel safer? v. 2
Community security always a heated topic among the public. Although in many areas, security has been improved, there are still a number of people concern about their safety whether inside or outside their homes. This essay will delve into the causes and give some suggestion in the end. First of all, many residents concern about their safety is mainly caused by the following aspects. To begin with, people are exposed to violent and sexual environment frequently. For instance, movies and television programme that glorify violence may confuse people’s realization of reality. This may lead them lack of truth to others, especially in the youth group. Secondly, people who living in some particular areas that crime rates are higher than other places will suffer more. That is because in such areas crimes like robbery or shoplifting are more likely occurred than other peaceful areas. Last but not least, lack of communication between neighbours is considered as the most important factor that caused the fear emotion. People are too busy to participate in the community activities and many people even do not realize who live in the next door. This result in the loss of community belonging and dependence among the public. On the other hand, there are several strategies could be done in order to relieve folks’ emotion of fear. Firstly, governments should publish a new policy to limit the appearance of violent images to the public as well as enhance the police force against the crime. This will help to reduce the crime rates and create an increasingly safer community which people could enjoy the comfortable atmosphere and no longer to worry about safety. In terms of individuals, people should encourage themselves to participate in community activities more. The reason for this is that if people are surrounded by a familiar person, then they may feel safer compared to before even did not who is their neighbours. In conclusion, this essay argued the possible reasons that may cause the fear of emotion among some people and some solutions could be taken. Governments and individuals should work together to create a safer community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Community
security always a heated topic among the public. Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, security has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, there are
still
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concern about their safety whether inside or outside their homes. This essay will delve into the causes and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestion in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents concern about their safety is
mainly
caused by the following aspects. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to violent and sexual environment
frequently
.
For instance
, movies and television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
that glorify violence may confuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
realization of reality. This may lead them lack of truth to others,
especially
in the youth group.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places will suffer more.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like robbery or shoplifting are more likely occurred than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, lack of communication between
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
is considered
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that caused the fear emotion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are too busy to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
activities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even do not realize who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
next
door. This result in the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
belonging and dependence among the public.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are several strategies could
be done
in order to relieve folks’ emotion of fear.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should publish a new policy to limit the appearance of violent images to the public
as well
as enhance the police force against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates and create an
increasingly
safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could enjoy the comfortable atmosphere and no longer to worry about safety. In terms of individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should encourage themselves to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
activities more.
The reason for this is
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are surrounded
by a familiar person, then they may feel safer compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even did not who is their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

In conclusion
, this essay argued the possible reasons that may cause the fear of emotion among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions could
be taken
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and individuals should work together to create a safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people do not feel safe either at home or they are out. What are the causes, and what can be done to make people feel safer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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