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The graph show below the air conditioning unit sales in two different countries over amounts between April 2010 and October 2010. v.1

The graph show below the air conditioning unit sales in two different countries over amounts between April 2010 and October 2010. v. 1
A decree has been passed in some regions of the USA that teenage citizens should stay indoors after a specific time at night and the presence of an adult escort is mandatory if going out is necessary. In my opinion, I think this curfew would not yield any promising result and this essay will discuss my reasons for taking this stance. One reason why I believe that this decree is a futile one is because the majority of crimes take place in broad daylight. According to recent reports, the most dangerous crimes committed occur during the day. As such, asking for parents/guardians to escort their wards only at night does nothing other than infringe on their fundamental human right to freedom, because the most dangerous crimes the Government is trying to shield them from happen during the day. Another reason why I think a curfew and mandatory escort of children by their parents is because an adult does not stop the occurrence of crime. A cross-sectional study carried out at Harvard revealed that in 2020, many crimes, including robbery, kidnapping and homicide was carried out in the presence of adults or melted on adults. Thus, asking adults to accompany juveniles with the hope that their presence will prevent or scare away the criminal is not right. In conclusion, some provinces in the USA has placed a ban on teenagers from night crawling and if they must, with an adult accomplice. In my opinion, this decree would not yield any promising result and this essay discussed reasons why I think so.
A decree has
been passed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions of the USA that teenage citizens should stay indoors after a specific time at night and the presence of an adult escort is mandatory if going out is necessary. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this curfew would not yield any promising result and this essay will discuss my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for taking this stance.

One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why I believe that this decree is a futile one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
take place in broad daylight. According to recent reports, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed occur during the day. As such, asking for parents/guardians to escort their wards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at night does nothing other than infringe on their fundamental human right to freedom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
is trying to shield them from happen during the day.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a curfew and mandatory escort of children by their parents is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an adult does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the occurrence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. A cross-sectional study carried out at Harvard revealed that in 2020,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, including robbery, kidnapping and homicide
was carried
out in the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
or melted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Thus
, asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to accompany juveniles with the hope that their presence will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
or scare away the criminal is not right.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
provinces in the USA has placed a ban on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
from night crawling and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
, with an adult accomplice. In my opinion, this decree would not yield any promising result and this essay discussed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The graph show below the air conditioning unit sales in two different countries over amounts between April 2010 and October 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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